Journal of Dreams · §§ 121–150

121. The whole day I was in double thoughts, which tried to destroy what was spiritual as it were by contemptuous abuse, so that I found the temptation was very strong. By the grace of the Spirit I was led to fix my thoughts on a tree, then on the face of Christ, and on Christ crucified; as often as I did this, the other thoughts fell down flat.

122. I bore down with this same thought so strongly, that it seemed to me I would crush the tempter by means of the cross and drive him away; then after a while I was free. Afterwards I had to fix my thoughts upon it so intently, that whenever I let it slip out of my thoughts and internal vision, I fell into temptation-thoughts. Praise be unto God, who has given me this weapon! May God of His grace keep me in this, that I may always have my crucified Savior before my eyes. For I dared not look upon my Jesus, whom I have seen, because I am an unworthy sinner, but then I ought to fall upon my face, and it is Jesus who lifts me up to look upon Him; and therefore I must look upon Christ crucified.

123. [April] 14-15.

It seemed as if I were racing down a stairway; I touched each step only a little, and came safely down all the way without danger. There came a voice from my dear father, “You are making such a racket, Emanuel!” It was said he was angry, but it would pass over. This means that I made use of the cross too boldly, yesterday, but by the grace of God I came through without danger.

124. I climbed up on a shelf, and broke off the neck of a bottle, from which some think fluid came forth and covered the floor and flowed down. I believe [this signifies] that yesterday, by the grace of God and not by my own power, a mass of evil was eradicated from my thoughts. I added that which had been written, which means that which I am still to do.

125. I heard a bear growling but did not see him. I dared not remain in the upper story, for there was a carcass there which he might scent. I therefore descended to one of the chambers of Doctor Moraeus and shut the windows. This signifies temptation, not only to avarice but perhaps also to something else, and that I am engrossed in my anatomical speculations.

[Dr. Moraeus, Swedenborg’s cousin and earliest tutor, was the son of Jesper Swedberg’s sister, Barbro. After the death of his father, Moraeus was educated by Jesper Swedberg, and was, in 1696, appointed private tutor of Emanuel, who was then eight years of age. He afterwards became a distinguished physician at Fahlun, where he occupied the ancestral homestead called “Sveden,” (whence the names “Svedberg” and “Svedenborg”), and died in 1742. His daughter, Sarah Elizabeth, married the great Linneaus, “the father of Botany.” From the Spiritual Diary, n. 4717, we learn that he was a good man, and was saved.]

126. Doctor Moraeus seemed to be courting a pretty girl; he obtained her consent, and had permission to take her wherever he wanted. I teased her, saying that she was quite willing to say Yes, etc., etc. She was a pretty girl, and grew taller and more beautiful. It meant that I was to inform myself on the subject of muscles and study these.

[“Swedenborg treats of the Muscles in the Animal Kingdom, throughout the whole of the chapter on the diaphragm, especially in nos. 387-390, of the Latin edition; nos. 449-453 of the English edition. He also wrote a special treatise on the Muscles about that time, which is contained in Codex 58 of his MSS., leaves 132 to 137, and which is photo-lithographed in vol. vi. of his MSS., pages 13 to 25.” (Doc. II:179.)]

127. I had a preternaturally good and long sleep for twelve hours. On awakening I had before my eyes Jesus crucified and His cross. The spirit came with its heavenly and as it were ecstatic life so intensely, and permitting me to enter into it higher and higher, so that, if I had gone still higher, I would have been dissolved by this veritable life of Joy.

128. It then appeared to me in the spirit that I had gone too far; that in my thoughts I had embraced Christ on the cross when I kissed His feet, and I then removed myself thence, and falling upon my knees and praying to Him crucified. It seemed that the sins of my weakness are forgiven as often as I do this. It occurred to me that I might have the same with a graven image before the eyes of my body, but I found that this would be far from right and, indeed, a great sin.

[A “graven image,” i.e., a crucifix.]

129. [April] 15-16.

It seemed as if I was climbing up a ladder from a great deep; others, women whom I knew, after me came. I stood still and purposely frightened them, and then went up. I came up against a green earth-wall and lay down; the others came after me. I greeted the women and they sat down beside me; one was young and other a little older. I kissed the hands of both and did not know which one of them I should love. It was my thoughts and mental work [ouvrage d’esprit], of two kinds, which finally came up with me, and which I received again, and greeted, and took up again.

130. Afterwards I came to a place where many male persons were assembled; a great crowd of handsome young folks in one place in a flock; fresh numbers joined them, among others Henning Gyllenborg on horseback. I went to meet him, kissed him, and stood by him. It signifies that I have returned to the things of my memory and imagination, and am again greeting them; consequently that I am returning to the superior and inferior faculties.

[Count Henning Adolph Gyllenborg, (1715-1775), politician and diplomat, a leader of the part of “Hats,” and finally Councillor of State, Swedenborg was intimate with various members of the Gyllenborg family, and it is possible that, in 1744, he had recently met Henning Gyllenborg abroad, as the latter, in 1743, was sent on a diplomatic mission to Hamburg and Berlin.

[“The superior and inferior faculties,” meaning the faculty of imagination and the faculty of memory. The relation between these and the supreme faculty of thought are described in the Epilogue to vol. II. Of the Animal Kingdom, (English edition, n. 460, p. 348, especially in Note 1. See Doc. II:180).]

131. Afterwards I returned home and was in my own house. I received many visitors. I knew that I had hidden away a pretty little woman and a boy and kept them hidden. There was moreover but a slight store of provisions, and I was not yet willing to bring out my silver plate before I should treat them; nor was I willing to lead the guests into an inner magnificent chamber which was well furnished within. This signifies that I have come home to myself again, and that I have acquired the knowledge which I have now written down here, and that in time I may make use of it, and bring out the silver and lead them into the handsome chamber.

[“The knowledge which I have no written down here.” Swedenborg seems to have finished here the MS. for vol. II. of the Animal Kingdom, which is all that he printed at The Hague. (Doc. II:180.)]

132. It seemed that I was accusing some one, but I do not remember how; in the end, however, I crossed out and excused something, because he himself had said so, but the words were buried. It signifies that I had accused myself, but excused myself because I had admitted everything.

133. [I heard] mentioned the words *Nicolaiter,* and *Nicolaus Nicolai;* I did not know if this signifies my new name. The most remarkable fact was this that I now represented the internal man and was as it were another than myself, so that I saluted my own thoughts, frightened them, the things of my own memory, that I accused another one. Thus now there has been a change so that I represent the internal man, who is opposed to another person, for I have prayed to God that I may not be mine own, but that God may please to let me be His.

This has lasted now for twenty-one days.

134. I found later on that most of this had a different meaning: 1. The two women signified that I would rather remain in philosophical studies than to be in spiritual ones, as rather showed my inclination. 2. My kissing Henning Gyllenborg, and seeing so many people, meant that I not only delighted in being in worldly society but also wished to boast of my work. 3. Nicolaus Nicolai was a philosopher who every year sent loaves of bread to Augustus. First, therefore, this, that I found it my duty to reconciled myself again to our Lord, because in spiritual things I am a stinking carcass.

135. On this account I went to [our Swedish] Envoy, Preis, and he went to Pastor Pambo in order that I might again receive the Lord’s Supper, which was also granted. I met him at the house of the Envoy and went in with him, which was of the providence of our Lord. I dined the same day with the Envoy, Preis, but had no appetite.

On the 17th I received the Lord’s Supper from Pastor Pambo.

[Joachim Fredrik Preis, (1667-1759), was the Swedish Envoy (ambassador extraordinary) at The Hague. Swedenborg met him as early as 1713 at the Peace Congress of Utrecht, and on his various subsequent visits to Holland he always called on Ambassador Preis, for whom he entertained great admiration. The present translator, in the year 1895, discovered four letters from Swedenborg to Preis, dating from 1721 to 1745, in the last of which he writes: “As during my sojourn at The Hague I had the honor to present to you the first two parts of my Regnum Animale, I am now in duty bound to send you also the third part, and at the same time the first part of a little treatise, De Cultu Et Amore Dei, which I ask you to glance over, especially the later part, de Amore Primogeniti.” (See New Church Life, 1896, pp. 168, 186.) Ambassador Preis, according to Count Tessin, “was a diligent man, skillful, industrious, honorable, orderly and gentle, who served the kingdom well and was devoted to it.” (Tessiniana.)]

[Pastor Johann Gottlieb Pambo, minister of the German Lutheran congregation at The Hague in the year 1744. In the old church register “giving the names of those who are desirous to take the Sacrament with us,” Mr. G. Barger, of The Hague, in July 1914, found the following entry under April 1744: “d. H. Emanuel Schwedenborg, Assessor im bergwerk collegie in Schweden.” (See New Church Life, 1914, p. 766.)]

136. [April] 17-18

I had frightful dreams; dreamt that the executioner roasted the head which he had struck off, and for a long time he put the roasted heads one after another into an empty oven, which nevertheless was never filled. It was said that this was his food. He was a big female; he laughed, had a little girl with him.

137. Afterwards I dreamt that the Evil One carried me into varioius deep places and bound me; I do not remember it all. I was cast, bound, everywhere in hell.

138. I dreamt that a great procession was arranged, from which I was excluded, and that I should have come away hence. But I labored to get there, and sat down, but they advised me to go away, and I went. Nevertheless, I had another place where I could see it, but it had not yet arrived.

139. I am uncertain, however, that God grants grace and pity to all poor sinners who are willing to be converted and who are willing in steady faith to take refuge in His inconceivable mercy and in the merit of the Savior Jesus Christ. I therefore assure myself of His grace and leave myself in His protection, because I firmly believe that I have received forgiveness for my sins. This is my consolation, and may God confirm it for the sake of Jesus Christ.

140. I was this day by turns in interior anxiety and sometimes in despair; nevertheless I was assured of the forgiveness of my sins. Thus at intervals a heavy perspiration broke out upon me until 10 o’clock, when with the help of God I fell asleep. Then it seemed to me it was said that something will be given from within. I slept for an hour and a half, although in the night I had slept for more than ten hours. By the grace of God I have had a preternatural sleep, and this for an entire half year.

[“A preternatural sleep, and this now for an entire half year,” i.e., since about the middle of October, 1743. Swedenborg to Hartley, states that “the Lord Himself most mercifully appeared before me, His servant, in the year 1743, when He opened my sight into the spiritual world, and enabled me to converse with spirits and angels.” It is probable, therefore, that this first manifestation of the Lord to Swedenborg took place in the “preternatural sleep” during the last months of the year 1743. (Doc. II., pp. 1124-1126.)]

141. [April] 18-19

It seemed to me that we were laboring for a long time to bring in a cabinet, in which were kept more precious things; indeed, for a long time, as it were at Troy. Finally they went below it and shaved it off; afterwards it was carried in as if in triumph, and they kept on sawing and sawing. It signifies we must labor in order to gain heaven.

[A reference to the wooden horse which was brought into Troy with considerable difficulty.]

142. It seemed I had a cheap watch with me, although at home I had precious watches which I was not willing to exchange for golden ones. It signifies that I may obtain knowledges, of a noble kind, upon which I may use my time.

[Swedenborg’s watch. Compare the story about the two Jews who stole Swedenborg’s watch. (Doc. II:609.)]

143. It seemed to me that I was being wrapped about, below, in folds of blankets, which were wound around in various ways, and at the same time there came as it were … This signifies that I am being continually protected, so as to remain in the right purpose.

144. There was a dog following me; he was very well mannered and of a dark brown color; he rose up when any animal approached; when near water he went into it in order to explore its depth. Perhaps this signifies the dog of Tobit.

[“The dog of Tobit.” A reference to the apocryphal “Book of Tobit,” where it is stated that “the young man went, and his dog went with him.” (Ch. 5:16.) There is no other reference to the dog in the Book of Tobit.]

145. I saw in a window a singular animal; it was lively and also of dark brown color, and it came in through another window. It had something on its back which was rubbed off and was changed into a handkerchief. I looked at it and still saw it a little, but could not show it to anyone else. There was an apothecary’s shop inside. I asked if I should shoot the animal. This may signify that I am going to be instructed as to what may serve for reformation, etc.

146. Afterwards it seemed as if it would be shown to me that I should be told or given to understand when I would be in danger of going astray.

147. I saw Konig and Prof. Winbom approaching, viz., that I was going to live with them, on a weekday with those who are not Christians, for Konig was said not to be a Christian, Winbom approaching signifies Sundays.

[Anders Winbom, (1687-1745), Professor of Moral Theology at Upsala, a very gifted and popular teacher. Swedenborg may have known him as a young student at Skara, or as a representative of the Clergy at the Diets of 1741 and 1743, in Stockholm.]

148. This day I also have been somewhat disturbed in my mind, because against my will the thoughts were flying for and against, and I could not control them. I was at Divine worship, and found that the thoughts in matters of faith, respecting Christ, His merit, and the like, even though they be favorable and confirmatory, nevertheless cause a disturbance, and permit contrary thoughts to enter in, such as cannot be kept out, when a man desires to believe from his own understanding and not from the grace of the Lord.

149. At last it was granted me by the grace of the spirit to receive faith, without reasoning, an assurance of it. I then saw my own confirmatory thoughts as it were beneath me; I laughed at them in my mind, and still more at those thoughts which offended and opposed them. Then only did I receive peace. May God strengthen me herein, for it is His work, and mine so much the less as my own thoughts, nay, even the best of them destroy more than they promote it. A person must laugh at himself as well when he thinks in opposition as also when he desires to confirm with his understanding that which he believes. It is therefore something higher,-I know not whether it be the highest,-when a man receives the grace no longer to mix up his own understanding in matters of faith.

150. It seems, however, that our Lord in the case of certain persons permits assurances to proceed that which concerns the understanding. Blessed are they who believe and do not see; concerning this I have written clearly in the Prologue, nos. 21, 22; yet of my own self I could not have remembered this or discovered it, but it was the grace of God that wrought it without my being conscious thereof, as I afterwards found from the very effect and the change in my whole interior being. It is therefore the grace and the work of God, to whom be everlasting glory.

[The Prologue to the Animal Kingdom, vol. I., pp. 13, 14, of the English edition.]