Journal of Dreams · §§ 151–180

151. From this I can perceive how difficult it is for the learned,-more, indeed, than for the unlearned,-to come to such a faith, and thus overcome themselves so as to be able to laugh at themselves, for the adoration of one’s own understanding must first of all be abolished and thrown down; and this the work of God and not of man. It is, moreover, the work of God to keep a person in such a state. This faith, therefore, becomes separated from our understanding, and resides above it.

152. This is pure faith; the other is impure, so long as it mixes itself with our own understanding; we must make our understanding captive to the obedience of faith. We should believe because it has been said by Him who is God over all, the Truth itself. This, perhaps, is what is meant by the teaching that we should be like children. Much of that which I have seen agrees with this, and perhaps also this that so many heads were roasted and thrown into the oven, and that it was the food of the Evil One.

153. That confirmations beclouded the faith, may be seen from this that the understanding never reaches further than probabilities, in which there is ever as it were a trying of major or minor lemmas. And therefore the confirmations from self-intelligence are always subject to doubt, which darkens the light of faith. This faith, therefore, is purely the gift of God, which a man receives if he lives according to the commandments of God and diligently prays to God for it.

154. [April] 19-20

I experienced a totally different kind of sleep; I dreamt a great deal, after which tremors came upon me, but could not recollect anything, for each time I tried, it escaped me.

155. I held my hands clasped, and on awakening it seemed to me that they were pressed together by a hand or finger; which by the help of God signifies that our Lord has heard my prayers.

156. Afterwards in a vision, which was neither a state of sleep, nor of wakefulness, nor of ecstasy, it occurred to me that King Charles [XIII] the first time had fought in vain, and that afterwards in his second battle with the Saxons he was victorious, and was covered with blood. And afterwards I dreamt that the Muses also were victorious; which signifies that by the grace of God I have gained the battle, and that the blood and merit of Jesus have helped me; and that in my studies I shall gain my object.

157. I now arose, a whole God up. God be thanked and praised! *I do wish to be mine own; I am certain and believe that Thou, O God, will let me be Thine in all the days of my life and wilt not take away from me Thy Holy Spirit which strengthens and upholds me.*

[“I now arose, a whole God up.” (Jag steg op nu en het Gud op),-a very obscure statement, which may not have been correctly deciphered by the Swedish editor. Dr. R. L. Tafel renders it: “I then arose, full of God.”]

158. This day I have been in most severe temptation, so that when I thought of Jesus Christ there came at once ungodly thoughts, which I could not be blamed for, as it seemed to me. I beat myself, but I can confess that I was never of better courage than this day, and was not in the least downhearted, or pained as on previous days, although the temptation was most severe. The reason is that our Lord has given me the firm faith and confidence that He will help me for the sake of Jesus Christ and on account of His promise, so that I then experienced the efficacy of such a faith.

159. My mood was indeed such that I was so incensed against Satan that I wanted to beat him with the weapons of faith; from this may be perceived the efficacy of the right kind of faith without reasoning or confirming by means of one’s own reasons; but it is the grace of God alone. If this temptation had taken place previously, I would have been altogether downhearted. Yes I was afraid that I had offended our Lord by forcing [Him] as it were to set me free, on account of which I asked His forgiveness with all the humility of which I was capable. This probably signifies Charles XII, who was covered with blood.

160. [April] 21-22

It seemed as if I had gone astray in the dark, and had not gone out in company with others. I groped for the walls, and after a while I came to a beautiful house, where there were some people who wondered at my coming that way. They met me and said that this was not the way. I said that in the wind [? garret] perhaps there was an opening this way, which they denied. It signifies that this day I had gone astray the worst.

161. Then there was a big dog that came in beneath the cover of the bed where I was lying, and he licked my neck. I was afraid he would bite me, but it did not happen, and it was said he would not bite me. It signifies the thoughts aside, which I have entertained, [on account of which] I was precluded from thinking of what was holy.

[“The thoughts aside” or by-thoughts. In the original MS. It is written “Nefwentanckar,” which may stand for “nebentankar,”-a word of mixed German and Swedish composition, indicating an undercurrent of thought running contrary to the conscious thought. Swedenborg, in this Diary, speaks frequently and bitterly concerning his “double thoughts,” a phenomenon or noumenon which he explains as follows in the Spiritual Diary, n. 484:

“I have been endowed with a double thought,-one being the inmost, the other interior; so that while I have been in the company of evil spirits, I could at the same time be in the company of good ones, and could thus perceive of what quality were the spirits who desired to lead me. This I have experienced very frequently and I have taken notice of it; and unless I had done so,-i.e., noticing when I am in the company of evil spirits, and that it is spirits who thus think and affect me,-I could not have known otherwise than that it was I myself that was of such a nature and that it was I that meditated such things. Jan 17th, 1748.”]

162. Afterwards I was together with some comedians. Some one said that a Swede had arrived and wished to see me. We drove in, and a large staircase was made ready for him. It was a dog wrapt up, with a pup suckling. It signifies my terrible thoughts. Something similar was hanging from a fishing rod and could not be removed; finally in another room it was torn off. It signifies what I be liberated from.

163. In a vision it seemed to me as if something was torn to pieces in the air. It may signify that my double thoughts will be torn asunder.

As I was awakening there were heard the words “all grace,” which signifies that everything that has taken place is grace and for my best.

164. Afterwards I came into a state of hesitation,-because I seemed to be so far separated from God, that I could not yet think of Him in a living manner,-whether I should not turn my journey homewards. There came a mass of involved reasonings and motions of the body, but I gathered courage and experience and perceived that I had come here in order to do the very best and to promote the glory of God, that I had received talent, that everything had helped to this purpose; that the spirit had been with me from my youth unto this end. I considered myself unworthy to live if I had gone otherwise than the right way, and thus I laughed at the other seductive thoughts.

165. Thus as to pleasure, wealth, high position, which I had pursued, I perceived that all was vanity, and that he is the more happy who is not in possession thereof, but is contented, than the one who does posses them. And therefore I laughed at all confirmatory reasonings, and thus by the help of God I came to a resolution. May God help!

I seemed to hear a hen cackling, as take place at once after she has laid an egg.

166. I noticed, further, that faith does indeed consist in an assured confidence which is received from God, but nevertheless it consists in the work, that a man is to do what is good to his neighbor, each one according to his talent, and this more and more; and that it is to be done from the faith that God has thus commanded, without further reasoning, but to do the works of charity under obedience of faith, even though it may be against the lust of the body and its persuasions. And therefore a faith without works is not the right kind of faith; one must actually forsake himself.

167. [April] 22-23

Bad dreams, about dogs that were said to be my own countrymen, and which licked my neck but did not bite; with other things, as to how I wanted to do something with two persons, but nothing took place. In the morning I fell into terrible thoughts, as also during the day, that the Evil One had taken possession of me, yet with the consolation that he was outside, and soon would let me go.

168. Just as I was in damnable thoughts, the worst kind that could be, in the very moment Jesus Christ was presented vividly before my internal eyes, and the operation of the Holy Spirit came upon me, so that hence I could know that the devil was gone. The next day I was now and then in a state of infestation and in double thoughts and strife. After dinner I was mostly in a pleasant humor, though engaged in worldly things. Then I traveled to Leyden.

169. [April] 23-24. In Leyden

It seemed to me that I was fighting with a woman while I was fleeing; she drove me into a lake and up again; finally I struck her as hard as I could with a plate in the forehead and squeezed her face, so that she seemed to be conquered. This signifies my infestations and my struggle with my thoughts, which I had vanquished.

170. It seemed as if someone said the words *interiorescit* [he is becoming more internal] and *integrator* [he is being made whole]; which signifies that by my infestations I am becoming more purified.

171. Afterwards something was being dictated to me during the whole night, something holy which ended with the words “sacrarium et sanctuarium.” Videbar in lecto cum foemina, et dixi, si non “sanctuarium” dixisses, fecissemus. Ab illa me averti, illa manu sua meum tetigit, quod crevit in tantum quantum usque ante. Me converti, idque admovi; se flectebat, tamen intrudit. Dixit illud nimis longum esse. Interea reflexi hujus facti eventum foetus esse debiturum, et abivi “en merveille.”

Ad lectum erat speculatrix, quoedam, sed prima abivit.

172. Significat amorem sancti maxime ultimum, omnis enim amor inde originem suam trahit; est series: in corpore est actualiter in projectione seminis, cum totum adest et purum, signifcat amorem sapientiae. Hoc pro veritate, sed quia quoedam subauscultabat, et non prius factum est quam illa abiverit, significant quod de illa re tacendum sit, quodque neminis ad aures veniret; nam intellectu mundane impurum tametsi in se purum est.

173. Afterwards I slept a little, and it appeared to me as if there was flowing a quantity of oil with a little mustard mixed with it. This may signify my life that is coming; and it may mean pleasantness mixed with adversity; or it may mean a medicine for me.

This happened in Leyden on the morning of April 24.

174. [April] 24-25. In Amsterdam.

During the whole night, for about eleven hours, I was in a strange trance, neither asleep nor awake. I knew all that I dreamed, but my thoughts were kept bound, which at times caused me to sweat. I cannot describe the nature of that sleep, during which my double thoughts were as it were separated from each other or torn asunder.

175. Among other things I dreamt that I spoke several times with King Charles XII, and that in speaking with me he said everything in broken French, at which I wondered, but did not understand. Even when I was speaking with others and supposed that he did not hear me, he was present beside me, so that I was ashamed that I had spoken. This signifies that God is speaking with me, and that I comprehend only the least portion thereof, because it consists in representations, of which as yet I understand very little. And that He hears and observes everything that is said and every thought that any one has. Indeed, there is not a thought that can escape, but that He sees it; in fact, everything, ten thousand times more than I can perceive [in] myself.

[Charles XII, speaking in broken French, at which Swedenborg wondered. It is a notorious fact that the king, from his youth on, obstinately refused to learn the French language, which at that period was the universal tongue on the diplomatic world and of polite society in general. The king, however, dubbed it “a language of apes,” and insisted that foreign ambassadors to his court must address him in Swedish.]

176. 25-26 [Struck out].

It seemed as if a number of women and men were sitting in a ship, ready to depart. One of them was holding my dog, which I took away from him. He showed me the way home into a beautiful chamber, where there was wine. This perhaps signifies that I should send my work over to England, and that on the same day I should amuse myself, as also took place, at [the house] of Mr. Hinr. Posch.

[“My dog,”-the handwriting here is uncertain; the MS. Has “min hud,” which mean “my skin,” but the Swedish editor suggests “min hund,” my dog. Swedenborg may have owned dogs, at various times, but the fact was never recorded.]

177. [April] 25-26. At The Hague.

[I enjoyed] a delightful and precious sleep for about eleven hours, with several representations; it was as if a married woman was pursuing me, but I escaped. It signifies that the Lord is saving me from temptations and persecutions.

178. A married woman wanted to have me, but I liked an unmarried one; the former became angry and persecuted me, but I nevertheless gained the unmarried one and was with her and loved her. It may signify my thoughts.

179. It was a woman who owned a very beautiful estate in which we walked about, and I was to marry her. She signified piety, and also, I believe, wisdom, which owned these possessions. Etiam cum illa eram illamque more solito amabam, quod vicem ipsius conjugii obtinere videbatur.

180. It was represented to me in a certain way that I ought not to contaminate myself by [reading] other books, treating of theology and such subjects; because this I have in the Word of God and from the Holy Spirit.

[“Not to contaminate myself by [reading] other books, treating of theology and such subjects.” Compare Swedenborg’s statement in a letter to Dr. Beyer: “I was forbidden to read writers on dogmatic and systematic theology, before heaven was opened to me, because baseless opinions and inventions might thereby have easily insinuated themselves, which afterwards could have been removed with difficulty; . . . and as the Word of God is the source whence all theology must be derived, I was enabled thereby to receive instruction from the Lord, who is the Word.” (Doc. II:260.)]