The Childhood and Youth of Jesus · Part 2 · Chapter 188

Cyrenius affirms his love for the Lord. The test: Tullia's death. Cyrenius' profound grief. The justified rebuke of the disappointed Infant and its effect on Cyrenius. 19 April 1844

01] As Cyrenius looked at the globe once again with great attention, the Infant requested to be allowed to go to the hill and hop around a little.

02] And Cyrenius very gently set Him down on the earth and said:

03] "O You my Life, You my Salvation, You my All! I only release you physically from my hands;

04] but never, never from my heart; for You alone live there, – yes You alone are my love!

05] Truly, as long as I have only You, o My Saviour, then all the treasures of the world are less than nothing!"

06] Here the Infant stood up, turned again towards Cyrenius and spoke to him:

07] "In that case, I must, after all, stay with you, although I would have really liked to hop around a little, because You love Me so much!

08] Look, it would have become a little boring for Me to be with you, if you had constantly looked at your little earth;

09] but as your heart and all your attention has again turned fully towards Me, I have to remain with you and cannot leave you!

10] But listen, My dear Cyrenius! What would your wife say, if she heard that you love only Me?"

11] And Cyrenius said: "Lord, if I have You, what concern should I have about my wife and the whole world! – See, all this can be traded off for a mite!

12] O You my Jesus, what bliss can ever be greater than loving You above all else and to be loved by You in return!

13] Therefore I would rather despise Tullia as I would a plague of locusts, before I would give up an infinitesimal fraction of the love I have for You!"

14] The Infant spoke: "Cyrenius, if I would test you a little on this, do you think that you will remain steadfast?"

15] And Cyrenius said: "According to my present feelings, You may cause the earth under my feet to become dust and take Tullia a thousand times, if it were possible, and I would still love You the same!"

16] Here Tullia suddenly sank onto the ground as if hit by a blow and was completely dead.

17] All those present were extremely frightened. Fermented lemon juice and fresh water was instantly brought to revive her;

18] but all efforts were in vain, for Tullia was stone dead.

19] When Cyrenius saw that Tullia was really dead, he covered his face and began to get very sad.

20] The Infant now asked the sorrowful Cyrenius: "Cyrenius! How am I to understand this? See, the earth is still whole, and your wife has not died a thousand deaths, as you had demanded, – and now you are as sad as if you had lost everything in the world!

21] Am I not the same to you now as I was formerly, when I was everything to you?! – Why are you grieving so much now?"

22] Here Cyrenius sighed deeply and sorrowfully spoke: "O Lord! As long as I had Tullia, I did not know how dear she was to me; only after losing her have I realized her worth!

23] That is why I grieve – and I will grieve for her all my life, as she was such a noble and faithful aide!"

24] The Infant sighed heavily and spoke: "O you fickle human beings! How little steadfastness lives within your hearts!

25] If you are like this already in My presence, how will you be when I am not among you?!

26] Cyrenius! What was I to you a few minutes ago, – and what am I to you now?

27] You are covering your face from Me as well as from the world, and your heart is so full of sadness that you can hardly hear My voice!

28] I tell you: Truly, you are not worthy of Me!

29] He who loves his wife more than Me is not worthy of Me, for I am more than a wife, who has been created through My power!

30] I say to you, be more circumspect in the future, otherwise you will never again look upon My face in this world!"

31] Hereupon the Infant went to Joseph and said to him: "Joseph! Let the dead woman be brought into the small closet and place her on a bier!"

32] Here Joseph asked: "My little Son, will she never live again?"

33] And the Infant spoke: "Do not question Me about this; for My time has not yet come, but do as I say!

34] See, the woman was jealous of Me, when Cyrenius confessed his love for Me; it was this covetousness and jealousy that killed her so swiftly! Therefore do not ask Me anymore, but place her on a bier in the small room; for she is really dead!"

35] Hereupon Joseph had the corpse brought into the house, prepared a bier in a small side room and placed the corpse on it.

36] All now went to Cyrenius and consoled him for the sudden loss of his wife.

37] However, Cyrenius uncovered his face, straightened up like a true hero and spoke:

38] "O dear friends, do not console me in vain; for I have already found my consolation in my own heart,

39] and you cannot give me a richer one!

40] Look, the Lord gave me this noble wife, and then He took her away from me; for He alone is the Lord of all life!

41] Therefore let all be offered up to Him, and let His holy name be honoured and praised eternally!

42] It is certainly a hard blow to my human heart; but I now feel it to be all the more invigorating for my spirit!

43] For the Lord has thereby released me, and I now belong wholly and free of all earthly attachments to Him alone, and He alone is now the holy resident of my heart! Therefore do

not console me; He alone is my consolation in all eternity!"

44] Here the Infant came to Cyrenius again and said to him: "Amen! – So be it forever!

45] These years on earth, in which we will still be work here, will pass like a breath; however, you will then be where I will be in all eternity among those, who will love Me like you do! – So be it forever, forever, forever!" – – –