Conjugial Love · §§ 281–320

281. (10) That these conjugial simulations, with natural men, savor of prudence for various causes. Between two married partners of whom one is spiritual and the other natural (by spiritual is meant, who loves spiritual things and thus is wise from the Lord, and by natural is meant, who only loves natural things and so savors of self) when the two are consociated by marriage, conjugial love with the one that is spiritual is heat, and with the one that is natural is cold. It is plain that heat and cold cannot abide together; and that heat cannot enkindle him who is in cold unless the cold be first dispelled; nor can cold flow into him who is in heat, unless the heat be first removed. Hence it is that there can be no inward love between married partners that are spiritual and natural; but that on the part of the spiritual married partner there can be love emulative of inward love, as was said in an article above. But there can be no inward love between two natural married partners, because both are cold. If they are warm, it is from the unchaste. They can, nevertheless, even with separate minds, dwell together in the house, and also assume looks as of love and friendship towards each other, however mutually discordant their minds. With them external affection, which for the most part are of wealth and possessions, or honors and dignities, may be as it were ardent; and because this ardency induces fear for the loss of them, conjugial simulations are to them necessities, which are chiefly those mentioned in sections 15-17 below. Other causes enumerated with these may have something in common with the causes that concern the spiritual man, of which above at n. 280, but only in case prudence with the natural man savors of intelligence.

282. (11) That they are for the sake of amendment and for accommodation. That the conjugial simulations which are appearances of love and friendship, between married partners disagreeing in mind, are for the sake of amendment, is because a spiritual man joined to a natural by the matrimonial covenant, has no other intention than amendment of life, which is promoted on his or her part by wise and refined conversation, and by favors soothing to the peculiar disposition of the other. And if these fall upon the ears and manners in vain, then he or she strives for accommodations, for the preservation of order in domestic affairs, for mutual aid, and for the sake of infants and children, and such things. For the words and deeds that proceed from a spiritual man savor of justice and judgment, as has been shown above (n. 280).

But with married partners, of whom neither is spiritual but both are natural, the like may take place, but for other ends. If for the sake of amendment and accommodation, it is to the end that either may be brought into similarity of manners with him or herself, and be subordinated to his or her desires, or with a view to some services that they may be of advantage to his or her own, or for the sake of peace in the house, or of the good name out of the house, or for the sake of favors hoped for from the married partners, or from his or her relations, and for other ends. But with some they come from the prudence of their reason; with some from native civility; with some from the delights of desires familiar from birth, the loss of which is feared; besides many ends from which the favors received as if of conjugial love, become more or less feigned. There are also attentions as if of conjugial love, shown out of the house and none within the house. But these look to the good name of each as an end, and if not to this they are in sport.

283. (12) That they are for the sake of preserving order in domestic affairs, and for mutual help. Every house where there are children with their instructors, and other domestics, is a society emulative of the large society. This in fact has its existence from such, as a whole from its parts; and just as the welfare of a great society depends upon order, so does the welfare of this small society depend upon order. Wherefore, just as it concerns the magistrates in a composite society to see and provide that order shall exist and be preserved, so does it concern married partners in their particular society. But this order cannot be if the husband and wife disagree in mind, for then mutual counsel and mutual aid are, like their minds, distraught and dissevered, and the form of the small society is thus rent asunder. Therefore, for the preservation of order, and thereby to provide at once for themselves and for their household, or for their household and at the same time for themselves, that they do not come to hurt and rush to destruction, necessity requires that the master and mistress of the house agree and make one; that if this cannot be, on account of mental difference, still, in order that it may be well it ought to be done, and it also is becoming that this should be done, by representative conjugial friendship. That thereby harmony is secured in houses, for the sake of necessities and thence of utilities, is known.

284. (13) That they are for the sake of the unanimous care of infants, and in respect to children. That there are conjugial simulations between married partners which are appearances of love and friendship, resembling those truly conjugial, for the sake of infants and children, is very well known. Their common love for these disposes each married partner to regard the other with kindness and with favor. The love of infants and children with the mother and father conjoins themselves-as the heart and the lungs in the breast; the love of them with the mother is as the heart there, and the love towards them with the father is as the lungs there. The reason for the comparison is that the heart corresponds to love, and the lungs to the understanding, and love from the will is with the mother, and love from the understanding is with the father. With spiritual men there is a conjugial conjunction through this love, from justice and judgment-from justice, because the mother carried them in the womb, with suffering brought them forth, and afterwards with unwearying care suckles, feeds, cleanses, clothes, and brings them up.

285. (14) That they are for the sake of peace in the house. Conjugial simulations or outward friendship for the sake of peace and tranquillity in the house, are chiefly on the part of men, by reason of their natural characteristic, that what they do they do from the understanding, and the understanding (because understanding is thinking) is occupied with various things that disquiet, distract, and disturb the mind. Therefore if there were intranquillity at home, it would come to pass that their vital spirits would flag, and their interior life sink as it were into death, and thus their health, both of body and mind, be destroyed. The minds of men are beset with fears of these perils, and of many others, in case there were no asylum at home, with their wives, to calm the disturbance of the understanding. Moreover, peace and tranquillity make the minds serene, and dispose them gratefully to receive the kindnesses offered by their wives, who employ every means to dispel clouds, which they are keen to see, from the minds of their husbands; and these things also make their presence grateful. It is therefore plain that the simulation of a love truly conjugial is a necessity, and also of use, for the peace and tranquillity of the house. Add to this that with wives simulations are not as with men, and if they appear alike it is from real love, because they are born loves of the understanding of men, and therefore gratefully accept the favors of their husbands, if not with the mouth yet with the heart.

286. (15) That they are for the sake of reputation out of the house. The fortunes of men for the most part depend upon their reputation, that they are just, sincere, and upright; and this reputation also depends upon the wife, who knows his private life. If therefore the discordance of their minds should break forth into open enmity, quarrels, and threatenings of hatred, and these were noised abroad by the wife and her friends, and by the servants, they would easily be turned into revilings which would besmirch his name and be of bad repute. To avert such evils no other means are available but either to pay simulated court to the wife, or that they be separated as to the house.

287. (16) That they are for the sake of various favors, expected from the married partner or from his or her kindred, and thus for fear of the loss of them. This takes place, especially, in marriages of dissimilar station and condition, of which above at n. 250. As when a wealthy wife is taken, and she puts away her money in bags, or puts out her treasure on mortgage; and more yet, if she insists boldly that the husband is in duty bound to support the household out of his own property and income. That similitudes as if of conjugial love are thence resorted to by compulsion is commonly known. The like takes place when a wife is taken whose parents, kindred, and friends are high in office, in lucrative business, or in mercantile occupations, who are able to arrange for her a more prosperous condition, that for the sake of this also there are simulations as if of conjugial love is commonly known. That in both cases they are for the fear of the loss of them is obvious.

288. (17) That they are for the sake of having blemishes excused, and thus for avoidance of disrepute. The blemishes on account of which married partners fear disrepute are numerous, some serious, and some not serious. There are blemishes of the mind and blemishes of the body less grievous than those enumerated in a former chapter (n. 252, 253), which are causes of separation. The blemishes meant here, therefore, are those that are borne in silence by the other married partner, to avoid disgrace. Besides with some there are incidental offences which would be subject to penalties of the law if divulged, not to speak of defect of the ability in which men are wont to glory. That excusings of such blemishes, for the avoidance of disgrace, are causes of simulation of love and friendship with a married partner, is manifest without further confirmation.

289. (18) That they are for the sake of reconciliation. It is known in the world that between married partners who from various causes are of discordant minds there are alternate dissensions and confidences, alienations, and conjunctions, yea, quarrels and adjustments, and thus reconciliations; and that then apparent friendships are restored. There are also reconciliations which are effected after separations, which are not thus alternate and transitory.

290. (19) That if on the part of the wife favor towards the man does not cease when faculty ceases with him, there may spring up a friendship emulating conjugial friendship as they grow old. The chief of the causes of the separation of minds between married partners is decreasing favor on the part of the wife as faculty wanes with the man, and thence decrease of love. For in like manner as states of heat communicate with each other, so also do states of cold. That from failure of love with both of them friendship fails, and, if domestic ruin is not feared, favor also, is evident from reason and from experience. If then the man tacitly imputes to himself the cause, and the wife abides still in chaste favor towards him, there may result thence a friendship which, as it is between married partners, appears like a love emulating conjugial love. That there may be friendship as of that love between aged married partners, is attested by experience as to the tranquillity, security, amiability, and abundant comity of their close companionship, intercourse, and consociation.

291. (20) That there are different kinds of apparent love and friendship between married partners, one of whom is subjugated, and is therefore subject to the other. It is among the things known in the world at the present day that, after the first period of married life has passed, emulations spring up between married partners in respect to right and authority-as respects right, in that according to the conditions of the covenant made there is equality, and each has dignity in the duties of his or her function; and as to authority, in that superiority is insisted on by men in all affairs of the house because they are men, and women are held to be inferior, because they are women. Such rivalries familiar at this day, arise from no other source than that there is no consciousness of love truly conjugial and no sensible perception of the beatitudes of that love, from the absence of which, instead of that love there is lust, which counterfeits that love. From this lust, genuine love being absent, there issues a striving for power, which in some is from the delight of the love of ruling, with some has been implanted by artful women before the nuptials, and to some is unknown. Men, who are in this striving, and after the vicissitudes of emulation obtain the mastery, either reduce their wives to be their rightful possession or reduce them into obedience to their will, or into bondage, each man according the degree and the peculiar state of the striving inherent and latent in himself. But if wives are in this ambition, and after the turns of emulation obtain the mastery, they either bring their husbands into equality of right with themselves, or into obedience to their will, or into bondage. But as there remains with wives, after the fasces of authority have been won by them, the lust which counterfeits conjugial love-being restrained by law, and by the fear of legitimate separation in case they extend their authority beyond what is allowable, to what is not allowable-they lead therefore a consociate life with their husbands. But what kind of love and friendship there is between a dominating wife and a servile husband, or between a dominating husband and a subservient wife cannot be described in a few words. Yea, if their differences were brought together in species, and these recounted, pages would not suffice. For they are various and diverse, according to the nature of the ambition with men, similarly various with the wives, and those of men are diverse from those that are with women. For such men are in no friendship of love but what is fatuous, and such wives are in the friendship of spurious love from lust. But it shall be told now in the following section by what art wives acquire power over men.

292. (21) That there are infernal marriages in the world, between married partners who inwardly are the bitterest enemies and outwardly like most intimate friends. I am indeed forbidden by wives of such sort who are in the spiritual world not to set these marriages in public light, for they fear lest at the same time their art of gaining power over men should be divulged, which yet they are exceedingly anxious should be concealed. But as by men in that world I am urged to disclose the causes of their intestine hatred, and of the fury as it were excited in their hearts against their wives on account of their clandestine arts, I will merely relate the following: Men have told me that, unconsciously, they contracted a terrible fear of their wives, on account of which they could not but be most slavishly obedient to their will, more obsequious to their nod than the vilest slaves, so that they became as if spiritless. And that not only did men not placed in dignity become so before their wives, but also men of exalted station, yea, valiant and renowned generals. And they said that after this terror was contracted they could not hazard to speak to their wives except in a friendly way, nor to do otherwise than according to their good pleasure, although in their hearts they cherished deadly hatred against them; and yet that their wives talked and acted courteously with them, and listened compliantly to some of their requests. Now, as the men themselves greatly wondered whence there sprang up such antipathy in their internals and such apparent sympathy in externals, they have searched into the causes, from women to whom the secret art was known, and they said that they received it out of the mouths of these, that women conceal deeply with themselves the knowledge by which they understand how to subject men, if they will, to the yoke of their authority. And that with unmannerly wives it is done by alternate scolding and favoring, with others of them by hard and unpleasant looks continually, and by other means with others. But by wives of refined manners it is done by obstinate pressing of their requests, never by turns intermitted, and by pertinacious opposition to their husbands if they suffer hard things from them, insisting upon their right of equality by law, from which they boldly render themselves stubborn, yea, that if cast out of the house they will return at their pleasure, and persist in the like demands. For they know that men from their nature can by no means withstand the obstinate persistency of their wives, and that after surrender to their will they submit themselves, and then the wives show themselves civil and bland to the husbands under their authority.

The real cause of the domination of wives through this craft is that man acts from the understanding and woman from the will, and the will can be persistent but the understanding cannot. It was told me that the worst of this kind, who are inwardly corroded with the ambition to rule, can hold tenaciously to their obstinate determination even to a struggle for life. I have also heard the excuses offered by those women, why they entered into the practice of this art. They said they would not have entered into it if they had not foreseen supreme contempt and future rejection, and hence their ruin, if they were subjugated by their husbands; and so of necessity they took up these their arms. To this they added this warning to men, that they should leave to wives their rights, and that when alternately they are in cold they should not count them viler than slaves. They also said that many of their sex are not in condition to employ this art, from innate timidity. But I added, “From innate modesty.” From these experiences it is now made known what is meant by infernal marriages in the world, between married partners who inwardly are the bitterest enemies and outwardly like the most intimate friends.

293. To this shall be adjoined two Relations. The first is this:

I was once looking through a window toward the east and saw seven women sitting on a bank of roses by a certain fountain, drinking water. I looked intently to see what they were doing, and the intentness of my gaze affected them. Whereupon one of them by nod invited me, and I left the house and speedily went to them. When I arrived I asked politely from whence they came.

They said, “We are wives, and are having a conversation here about the delights of conjugial love; and from much confirmation we conclude that those delights are also the delights of wisdom.”

This answer so delighted my mind that I seemed to myself to be in the spirit, and thence to be in more interior and clearer perception than at any time before. Whereupon I said to them:

“Permit an interchange of questions on these pleasantnesses.”

They nodded assent and I asked, “How do you wives know that the delights of conjugial love are the same with the delights of wisdom?”

They replied, “We know it from the correspondence of the wisdom with our husbands to the delights of conjugial love in us. For the delights of this love with us are exalted and diminished, and are altogether qualified according to the wisdom with our husbands.”

On hearing this I asked them, saying, “I know that the caressing words of your husbands and the exhilaration of their minds affects you, and that your whole bosom delights therein, but I am surprised that you say their wisdom effects it. But tell me what is wisdom? And what wisdom does this?”

To this the wives, indignant, responded, “You think we do not know what wisdom is, and what wisdom it is, and yet we are reflecting upon it as it is with our husbands continually, and learn it daily from their mouth. For we wives think about the state of our husbands from morning to evening. Scarce a little hour in the day intervenes in which our intuitive thought is entirely withdrawn or absent from them. On the other hand our husbands think very little during the day about our state. Hence it is that we know what wisdom of theirs is delighted in us. Our husbands call this wisdom spiritual-rational and spiritual-moral wisdom. Spiritual-rational wisdom they say is of the understanding and of cognitions, and spiritual-moral wisdom they say is of the will and the life. And these two they conjoin and make one; and they conclude that the amenities of this wisdom are transcribed from their minds into delights in our bosoms, and from ours into their bosoms, and so return to wisdom their origin.”

I then asked them, “Do you know anything more about the wisdom of your husbands causing delight in you?” They said, “We do. There is spiritual wisdom, and from this rational, and moral wisdom. Spiritual wisdom is to acknowledge the Lord the Saviour as God of heaven and earth, and to acquire from Him the truths of the church-which is done through the Word and preachings therefrom, whence results spiritual rationality, and from Him to live according to them, whence results spiritual morality. Our husbands call these two the wisdom that in general brings about love truly conjugial. We have also heard from them the reason: That by this wisdom the interiors of their mind and thence of their body are opened, whereby there is free transit for the vein of love, from things first down to the last, upon the afflux, the sufficiency, and the strength of which conjugial love depends and lives. The wisdom of our husbands, spiritual-rational and moral, in particular as to marriage, has for its end and scope to love the wife only and the putting off of every concupiscence for others. And in so far as this end is attained that love is exalted in degree and perfected in quality; and in so far also do we the more distinctly and exquisitely feel within us, delights correspondent to the joys of the affections and the pleasantnesses of the thoughts of our husbands.”

I asked afterwards whether they know how the communication is effected.

They said, “In all conjunction by love there must be action, reception, and reaction. The delightful state of our love is acting, or action. The state of wisdom of husbands is receiving, or reception, and is also reacting or reaction according to perception; and this reaction is perceived by us with delights in the bosom, according as the state is expanded continually, and is prepared for receiving the things which in some wise are coherent with and hence go forth together with the virtue with husbands, and thus also with the extreme state of love with us.” They said further: “Be careful that by the delights we have mentioned you do not understand the ultimate delights of that love. Of these we never speak, but of our bosom delights, the perpetual correspondence of which is with the state of the wisdom of our husbands.”

After this there appeared from afar off as it were a dove with a leaf of a tree in its mouth; but as it came near, in place of a dove was seen a little boy with a paper in his hand. And coming up to us he held it out to me, and said, “Read this to the virgins of the fountain.”

And I read these words, “Tell the inhabitants of the earth with whom you are that there is a love truly conjugial, the delights of which are myriads, scarcely any of which the world as yet knows, but it will know them when the church betroths herself to her Lord and marries.”

And then I asked, “Why did the boy call you �Virgins of the Fountain?'” They replied, “We are called virgins when we are sitting at this fountain because we are affections of the truths of our husbands’ wisdom, and the affection of truth is called a virgin. A fountain also signifies the truth of wisdom, and the bank of roses whereon we are sitting signifies its delights.”

Then one of those seven twined a wreath of roses and sprinkled it with water of the fountain, and placed it on the boy’s cap around his little head, and said, “Receive the delights of intelligence. Know that the cap signifies intelligence, and a wreath from this rose-bed, the delights of it.” And decorated with these the boy went away, and at a distance appeared again as a dove, flying, but with a chaplet upon its head.

294. The Second Relation:-

After some days I again saw the seven wives in a rosary, but not in the same that they were in before. It was a magnificent rosary, no semblance of which had I ever before seen. It was round, and the roses there formed as it were a rainbow arch, its outermost circle, roses or flowers of a crimson * hue, next within, others of a golden yellow, and within these others of a deep blue, and the innermost were of a leek-green or bright green; and within this rainbow rosary was a small lake of limpid water. Those seven wives sitting there, before called the Virgins of the Fountain, seeing me at the window again invited me to them. And when I came they said, “Did you ever see anything more beautiful on earth?” I said, “Never!”

And they said, “Such a thing is created by the Lord in a moment and it represents something new on the earth, for everything created by the Lord is representative. But divine, if you can, what it is. We divine that it is the delights of conjugial love.” Hearing this I said:

“What! The delights of conjugial love about which, from wisdom and also with eloquence you told so many things before? After I left you I told of your conversation to wives dwelling in our region, and said that now, being instructed, I know that you have bosom delights arising from your conjugial love which you can impart to your husbands according to their wisdom; and that therefore, with the eyes of your spirit you are regarding your husbands continually, from morning to evening, and study-to incline and lead their minds to becoming wise, to the end that you may secure those delights. I related also what you mean by wisdom, that it is spiritual-rational and moral wisdom, and as to marriage, the wisdom of loving the wife alone and putting off all concupiscence for others.

But to these things the wives of our region responded with laughter, saying, �What is that? These words are trifles! We do not know what conjugial love is. If our husbands have any, still we have none. Whence its delights then with us? And as to the delights which you call ultimate, sometimes we violently refuse them, for they are disagreeable to us, scarcely otherwise, than violations. Yea, if you observe us you will see no sign of such love in our faces. You trifle then, or jest, if you also say with those seven wives that from morning to evening we are thinking about our husbands, and continually attentive to their good pleasure and caprice, in order that we may obtain from them such delights.’ These of their words I have retained, that I might repeat them to you, as they are opposed, indeed are plainly contrary to your discourse, which I heard from you at the fountain, and received with so much avidity, and also believed.”

To this the wives sitting in the rosary replied, “Friend, you do not know the wisdom and prudence of wives, because they entirely conceal it from men, and they conceal it to no other end than that they may be loved. For every man who is not spiritually but only naturally rational and moral, is cold towards his wife. It is latent with them in their inmosts. This the wise and prudent wife exquisitely and keenly observes, and conceals in so much her conjugial love, and draws it into her bosom, and hides it there so deeply that not the least of it appears in her face, or voice, or gesture. The reason is, that in the degree that the love appears, the conjugial cold of the man pours itself forth, from the inmosts of his mind where it resides, into its ultimates, and induces a total frigidity of the body, and a consequent effort towards separation from bed and chamber.”

Then I asked, “Whence comes such cold which you call conjugial cold?”

They answered, “It is from their insanity in spiritual things; and every man who is insane in spiritual things is inmostly cold to his wife, and inmostly warm towards harlots. And as conjugial love and scortatory love are opposite to each other, it follows that conjugial love becomes cold when scortatory love is warm; and when the cold rules within him a man cannot bear from his wife any sensation of love, and thus no breathing of it. For this reason does the wife so wisely and prudently conceal it, and in so far as she conceals it, by denying and refusing, in so far the man is revived and restored by the inflowing meretricious sphere. Hence it is that the wife of such a man has no bosom delights, such as we have, but only the pleasures, which on the part of the man are to be called pleasures of insanity, because they are the pleasures of scortatory love. Every chaste wife loves her husband, even the unchaste; but because only wisdom is recipient of that love, therefore the wife uses every effort to turn his insanity into wisdom, that is, that he may not lust after others besides herself, which she does in a thousand ways, taking the greatest care that none of them shall be discovered by the man; for she knows well that love cannot be constrained but is insinuated in freedom. Therefore it is given to women to know every state of mind of their husbands from sight, from hearing, and from touch; but it is not given to husbands, on the other hand, to know any state of mind of their wives. A chaste wife can look at her husband with austere countenance, speak to him in a harsh voice, and even be angry and quarrel, and yet in heart cherish a gentle and tender love for him. But that these outbursts of anger, and these dissimulations, have wisdom for an end, and thence the reception of love with the husband, is plain from the fact that in a moment she can be reconciled. Moreover, wives have such means of concealing the love inherent in their heart and marrow, to the end that conjugial cold may not break forth with the man, and extinguish the fire of his scortatory heat also, and thus from green wood make him a dry stick.”

After the seven wives had said these and many more things of the kind, their husbands came with clusters of grapes in their hands, some of which were of delicious flavor, and some of offensive taste; and the wives said, “Why have you also brought bad or wild grapes?” The husbands replied:

“Because we perceived in our souls, with which yours are united, that you were speaking with that man about love truly conjugial, that its delights are delights of wisdom; and also about scortatory love, that its delights are the pleasures of insanity. These are the grapes of offensive taste, or wild grapes, but those are the grapes of delicious flavor.” And they confirmed what their wives had said, adding, “That the pleasures of insanity appear like the delights of wisdom in externals, but not in internals, altogether like the good and the bad grapes that we have brought. For the chaste and the unchaste have like wisdom in externals but altogether unlike in internals.”

After this the little boy came again with a paper in his hand, and held it out to me, saying, “Read.” And I read this: “Know ye, that the delights of conjugial love ascend to the highest heaven, and conjoin themselves on the way, and there, with the delights of all heavenly loves, and thus they enter into their felicity which endures to eternity. The reason is that the delights of that love are also the delights of wisdom. And know also that the pleasures of scortatory love descend even to the lowest hell, and conjoin themselves on the way, and there, with the pleasures of all infernal loves, and thus enter into their infelicity, which consists in the deprivation of all the joys of heart. The reason is that the pleasures of that love are also the pleasures of insanity.”

After this the husbands departed with their wives, and accompanied the little boy even to the way of his ascent into heaven. And they knew the society from which he was sent, that it was a society of the new heaven with which the New Church on the earth will be conjoined.

* Latin purpureus, royal purple, a deep crimson.

295. CONCERNING BETROTHALS AND NUPTIALS.

Betrothals and nuptials, and the accompanying celebrations, are treated of here chiefly from the rational understanding. For the things written in this book have for their end that the reader may see its truths from his own reason and thus assent. For in this way his spirit is convinced, and the matters whereof the spirit is convinced take a place in the mind above those that enter from authority, and on the faith of authority, the reason not being consulted; for these enter no farther into the head than into the memory, and there are mixed with fallacies and falsities; thus they are below things rational which are of the understanding. Any man can talk from these things of the memory as if rationally, but preposterously, for then he thinks as a crab walks, the sight following the tail. Not so if he speaks from understanding. When he does this the rational sight selects from the memory things suitable, wherewith it confirms the truth in itself. It is for this reason that in this chapter many things are adduced which are accepted customs; such as, that selection belongs to men; that parents are to be consulted; that pledges are to be given; that a conjugial covenant is to be entered into before the nuptials; that this is to be consecrated by a priest; so also that there is to be a nuptial celebration; and many other things, which are adduced to the end that man may from his own reason see that such things are inscribed on conjugial love as are requisite to promote and complete it. The heads under which the subject is distinguished, in their order, are the following:-

(1) That selection belongs to the man and not to the woman.

(2) That the man ought to court and solicit the woman respecting marriage with him, and not the reverse.

(3) That the woman ought to consult her parents, or those who are in the place of parents, and then deliberate with herself before she consents.

(4) That after declaration of consent pledges ought to be given.

(5) That the consent ought to be established and confirmed by a solemn betrothal.

(6) That by the betrothal each is prepared for conjugial love.

(7) That by betrothal the mind of the one is conjoined to the mind of the other, in order that the marriage of the spirit may be effected before that of the body takes place.

(8) That it is so with those who think chastely concerning marriages, but otherwise with those who think unchastely about them.

(9) That during the time of betrothal it is not permissible to be bodily conjoined.

(10) That when the time of betrothal is completed the wedding ought to take place.

(11) That before the celebration of the nuptials, a conjugial covenant ought to be entered into in the presence of witnesses.

(12) That the marriage ought to be consecrated by a priest.

(13) That the nuptials ought to be celebrated with festivity.

(14) That after the nuptials the marriage of the spirit becomes also of the body, and thus full.

(15) That such is the order of conjugial love, with its modes, from its first heat to its first torch.

(16) That conjugial love precipitated, without order and its modes, burns out the marrows and comes to an end.

(17) That the states of mind of each, proceeding in successive order, flow into the state of marriage, and yet in one manner with the spiritual and in another with the natural.

(18) Because there is a successive order and a simultaneous order, and the latter is from the former and according to it. Now follows the exposition of these.

296. (1) That selection belongs to the man, and not to the woman. This is because the man is born that he may be understanding, but the woman that she may be love; and because, commonly, love of the sex is with men, but with women love of one of the sex; also for the reason that it is not unbecoming for men to speak of love, and to make it known, while for women it is unbecoming. Still, women have the freedom of choice of one of their suitors.

As regards the first reason, that selection belongs to the men because they are born for understanding: It is on the ground that the understanding can see clearly what is suitable and what unsuitable, and discriminate between them, and from judgment select the suitable. It is otherwise with women,. because they are born for love they have not the clear discernment of that light, and hence would have no determination towards marriage except from the inclinations of their love. If they have the knowledge for distinguishing men from men, yet their love is carried to the appearances.

As to the second reason why selection is with men and not with women, that, commonly, the love of the sex is with men, and with women the love of one of the sex: With those who have the love of the sex there is free circumspection and also determination. It is otherwise with women, who have inherent the love for one of the sex. To confirm this, if you like, ask of the men you meet concerning monogamic and polygamic marriage, and you will rarely come upon one who will not respond in favor of polygamic, and this is also the love of the sex; but ask women respecting these marriages, and nearly all, except prostitutes, will reject polygamic marriages, from which it is clear that with women there is the love of one of the sex, thus conjugial love.

As respects the third reason, that for men it is not unbecoming to speak of love and to make it known, and that with women it is unbecoming: This is self-evident, and it also follows from this that declaration too belongs to the men, and if declaration, selection also.

That women have the freedom of choice from among their suitors is known, but this kind of choice is restricted and limited, while that of the men is unrestricted and unlimited.

297. (2) That the man ought to court and solicit the woman respecting marriage with him, and not the reverse. This is consequent upon the election being with him. Besides, to court and solicit women with reference to marriage is in itself honorable and decorous for men; but not for women. If women were to court and solicit they would not merely be reproached, but also after their solicitations, would be reputed vile, or after marriage as wantons with whom there is no fellowship except cold and disdainful. Wherefore marriages would thus be turned into tragic scenes. Wives even turn it to their praise that they gave themselves up as conquered, at the earnest solicitations of the men. Who does not foresee that if women courted men they would rarely be accepted? Either they would be indignantly spurned, or enticed to wantonness, and would also prostitute their modesty. Besides, with men there is no innate love of the sex, as has been shown above,* and without that love there is no interior charm of life; for which reason, to exalt their life by that love it devolves upon men to be complaisant to women, courteously, kindly, and deferentially wooing and soliciting them for this sweet addition by them to their life. The beauty of face, of body, and of manners, of that sex, beyond that of the male, also adds itself like the obligation of a vow.

* n. 161.

298. (3) That the woman ought to consult her parents, or those who are in the place of parents, and then deliberate with herself before she consents. The parents should be consulted because they deliberate and counsel from judgment, knowledge, and love: From judgment, because they are advanced in age, and age improves the judgment, and it sees clearly things suitable and things unsuitable: From knowledge, of the suitor as well as of their daughter; respecting the suitor they procure information, and respecting their daughter they know; they therefore conclude, at once with joint discernment, respecting both: From love, because to consult the good of their daughter, and to be careful for her home, is also to do the same for their own good and for themselves.

299. It would be quite another case if the daughter were of herself to consent to her client suitor, without consultation with her parents, or with those who are in the place of parents; for she could not from judgment, knowledge, and love, weigh in the balance this matter on which her future welfare depends: Not from judgment, because this in her is yet in ignorance in respect to conjugial life, and is not in a state to compare reasons with each other, nor to see clearly into the morals of men from their mode of living: Not from knowledge or information, because she is acquainted with but few things beyond the domestic concerns of her parents, and of some companions, and is unfitted to search into such matters as are private and personal to her wooer: And not from love, because the love of daughters in this first marriageable age, and also in the next, waits upon desires from the senses, and not as yet upon longings from a chastened mind. The reason why a daughter ought nevertheless to deliberate with herself upon the matter before she consents is, lest she be influenced to unite with a man whom she does not love, for in that case she does not on her part add consent, and yet this constitutes marriage and initiates her spirit into that love, while unwilling or extorted consent does not initiate the spirit, but may the body, and thus convert chastity, which resides in the spirit, into lust, whereby conjugial love is corrupted in its first heat.

300. (4) That after declaration of consent pledges ought to be given. By pledges are meant gifts, which are confirmations, testimonials, first favors, and gladnesses after the consent. These gifts are confirmations because they are the tokens of consent; wherefore, when two covenant to anything it is said, “Give me a token,” and of two who are espoused in marriage and have confirmed their promises by gifts, it is said that they are plighted, that is confirmed. They are testimonials, because these pledges are like abiding visible witnesses of mutual love, and thence are also memorials of it; especially, if they are rings, scent-bottles, and lockets, which are suspended in sight, there is in them a certain representative image of the minds of the bridegroom and bride. These pledges are first favors, because conjugial love promises to itself everlasting favor, of which the firstfruits are those gifts. That they are the gladnesses of love is known, for the mind is exhilarated at the sight of them, and, because the love is in them, these favors are dearer and more precious than any other gifts whatever. It is as if their hearts were in them. Because these pledges are supports of conjugial love, gifts after consent were also an established custom among the ancients, and after acceptance of them the two were declared to be bridegroom and bride. But it should be known, that it is of their free choice whether to present the gifts before the act of betrothal or after it. If before, they are confirmations and testimonials of consent to the betrothment; if after it to the nuptials also.

301. (5) That the consent ought to be established and con firmed by a solemn betrothal. The reasons for betrothal are these: (1) So that after them the two souls may mutually incline to each other. (2) So that the universal love for the sex may be determined in each to one of the sex. (3) So that the interior affections may be mutually cognized, and by applications in the inward cheerfulness of love, may be conjoined. (4) That the spirits of the two may enter into marriage, and be consociated more and more. (5) That conjugial love may thus rightly progress from its first heat even to its nuptial flame. (6) That conjugial love may consequently proceed and grow up in just order from its spiritual origin. The state of betrothal may be likened to the state of spring before the summer, and its inward pleasantness to the blossoming of trees before fructification. Since the initiations and progressions of conjugial love proceed in order, for the sake of their inflowing into the effective love which begins from the nuptials, therefore there are bethrothals also in the heavens.

302. (6) That by the betrothal each is prepared for conjugial love. It is evident from the considerations presented in the preceding section, that the mind or spirit of the one is prepared by betrothal for union with the mind or spirit of the other, or what is the same, the love of the one with the love of the other. Besides this, it ought to be mentioned that upon love truly conjugial this order is inscribed: That it ascends and descends; it ascends progressively upwards from its first heat towards the souls, with an effort to conjunction there, and this by openings of the minds, continually more interior; and there is no love that more intensely labors for these openings, or which more powerfully and easily opens the interiors of minds than conjugial love, for the soul of each intends it. But at the same moments when that love is ascending towards the soul it is descending also towards the body, and is thereby clothing itself. But it should be known that conjugial love is of such quality in its descent as it is in the altitude to which it ascends; if it is in the height it descends chaste, and if not in the height, it descends unchaste. The reason is that the lower parts of the mind are unchaste, but its higher parts chaste; for the lower parts of the mind cleave to the body, but its higher separate themselves from them. But more may be seen on these subjects below at n. 305. From these few considerations it may be seen how that, by betrothal, the mind of each is prepared for conjugial love, though each in a different way according to the affections.

303. (7) That by betrothal the mind of the one is conjoined to the mind of the other, in order that a marriage of the spirit may be effected before that of the body takes place. As this is a conclusion from what has been said above at n. 301, 302, it is passed by without adducing further confirmations from reason.

304. (8) That it is so with those who think chastely concerning marriages, but otherwise with those who think unchastely about them. With the chaste, who are those that think from religion about marriages, the marriage of the spirit precedes and that of the body follows; and these are they with whom the love ascends towards the soul, and descends from its height there, of which see above at n. 302. The souls of these separate themselves from the unlimited love of the sex and devote themselves to the one, with whom they look to an everlasting and eternal union, and its increasing beatitudes as nourishers of the hope that is continually invigorating their minds.

But it is altogether otherwise with the unchaste, who are those that do not think of marriages and of their holiness from religion. With them there is a marriage of the body and none of the spirit. If anything of a marriage of the spirit appears during the state of betrothal, still this, if it ascends by the elevation of the thoughts respecting it, nevertheless falls back to the lusts which are of the flesh in his will, and so, out of the unchaste things there, plunges itself down headlong into the body, and pollutes the ultimates of its love with alluring ardor, with the result that as it burned in the beginning, so, suddenly it goes out and passes away into winter cold, whereby defection is hastened. The state of betrothal with them scarcely does other than help to fill their lusts with things lascivious, and to contaminate the conjugial of love therewith.

305. (9) That during the time of betrothal it is not permissible to be bodily conjoined. For thus the order which is inscribed upon conjugial love perishes. For in human minds there are three regions, the highest of which is called celestial, the middle region spiritual, and the lowest natural. Into this lowest man is born; but into its higher, which is called spiritual, he ascends by a life according to the truths of religion; and into the highest by the marriage of love and wisdom. In the lowest region, called natural, reside all the lusts of evil and lasciviousness; but in the higher regions, called spiritual, there are no lusts of evil and lasciviousness, for into this man is led by the Lord when he is born again; and in the highest region, called celestial, is conjugial chastity in its love; into this man is raised by the love of uses, and, as the most excellent uses are from marriages, by love truly conjugial. From these truths it may be seen in brief that conjugial love, from the first beginnings of its heat, ought to be raised out of the lowest region into the higher region, that it may become chaste, and that thus out of the chaste it may be let down, through the middle region, and the lowest, into the body. When this is done, this lowest region is purified of its unchastities by the descending chaste, and so the ultimate of that love also becomes chaste. Now, if the successive order of this love is precipitated by conjunctions of the body before their time, it follows that man (homo) acts from the lowest region which by nativity is unchaste. That thence begins and rises coldness towards marriage, and neglect with disdain towards the married partner is known. But yet there are various differences of results from too early conjunctions, as also from excessive protraction, and likewise from excessive hastening of the time of betrothal. But these, on account of their number and varieties, can not easily be adduced.

306. (10) That when the time of betrothal is completed the nuptials ought to take place. There are solemn ceremonies which are only formal, and there are solemnities which are at the same time also essential. Among these are nuptials. That they are among the essential things which ought to be solemnly published, and formally celebrated, the following reasons confirm: (1) That the nuptials make an end of the state before inaugurated by the betrothal, which was chiefly a state of the spirit, and the beginning of the following state to be inaugurated by marriage, which is at the same time of the spirit and of the body; for then the spirit enters into the body and acts there; wherefore on that day they put off the state, and also the name of bridegroom and bride, and put on the state and name of married partners and consorts of the bed. (2) That the nuptials are an introduction and entrance into a new state, -which is, that the maiden becomes a wife and the youth a husband, and the two one flesh; which is brought into effect when love unites them by ultimates. That marriage does actually change the maiden into a wife, and the youth into a husband, has been shown in former pages; as also that marriage unites the two into one human form, so that they are no more twain but one flesh. (3) That the nuptials are the entering into complete separation of the love of the sex from conjugial love, which comes into effect when through full opportunity for conjunction there takes place the close devotion of the love of the one to the love of the other. (4) It appears as if the nuptials only mark the interval between those two states, and thus that they are mere formalities which might be omitted; but there is nevertheless this essential also in them, that the new state, before mentioned, is then to be entered into according to the covenant, and that the consent is to be declared in the presence of witnesses, and to be consecrated also by a priest, besides other things which establish it. Because nuptials are essential, and because not until after them does lawful marriage take place, therefore nuptials are celebrated in the heavens also. See above at n. 21, and after at n. 27-41.

307. (11) That before the celebration of the nuptials, a conjugial covenant ought to be entered into in the presence of witnesses. It is proper that a conjugial covenant be entered into before the nuptials are celebrated, in order that the statutes and laws of love truly conjugial may be known, and may be kept in mind after the nuptials; also that it may be a bond, holding their minds together to rightful marriage. For after some beginnings of married life, at times the state before betrothal returns; in which remembrance vanishes, and there steals in a forgetfulness of the covenant entered into; yea, from enticements by things unchaste to things unchaste, there comes about an effacement of it, and if then it is recalled to mind, it is reviled. But, to avert these transgressions, society has taken upon itself the guardianship of this covenant, and has enacted penalties against those who break it. In a word, the antenuptial covenant makes public the sacred obligations of love truly conjugial, establishes them, and binds libertines to obedience to them. Add to this, that by this covenant, the right to propagate children, and the right of children to inherit the goods of their parents, is made legal.

308. (12) That marriage ought to be consecrated by a priest. The reason of this is that, viewed in themselves, marriages are spiritual, and therefore holy. For they descend from the heavenly marriage of good and truth; and things conjugial correspond to the Divine marriage of the Lord and the Church, and hence are from the Lord Himself, and are according to the state of the church with those who enter into the contract. Now, because the ecclesiastical order administer on earth the things which are of the priesthood with the Lord, that is, which are of His love, and thus those that pertain to blessing, it is fitting that marriages should be consecrated by His ministers; and because at the same time they are also the chief of the witnesses, it is proper that the consent to the covenant too should be heard, accepted, confirmed, and thus established by them.

309. (13) That the nuptials ought to be celebrated with festivity. The reasons are that the antenuptial love, which was that of bridegroom and bride, then descends into their hearts, and by its diffusion thence universally into the body the delights of marriage are felt; whence their minds have festive thoughts and so far as they may and as it is becoming, let themselves out in festivities; to favor which it is proper that the festivities of their minds should go forth in communion with others, and they themselves be thus introduced into the joys of conjugial love.

310. (14) That after the nuptials the marriage of the spirit becomes also of the body and thus full. All things that are done by man in the body flow in from his spirit. For it is known that the mouth does not speak of itself but the thought of the mind by the mouth; and that the hands do not act, nor the feet walk, of themselves, but the will of the mind by them; consequently, that the mind speaks by its organ, and the mind acts by its organs in the body. It is therefore evident that, as the mind is, such are the words of the mouth, and such the deeds of the body. From this it follows, as a conclusion, that the mind by continual influx disposes the body to activities in conformity and synchronous with itself. The bodies of men therefore, inwardly regarded, are nothing else than forms of their minds, organized outwardly to effect the behests of the soul.

These things are premised that it may be perceived why it is that the minds or spirits should first be united with each other, as in marriage, before they are united also as far as the body, namely, in order that when marriages become of the body they may be of the spirit, so that, consequently, the married partners shall mutually love each other from the spirit and thence in the body.

Let us now look at marriage from this point of view: When conjugial love conjoins the minds of two and forms them into marriage, it then also conjoins and forms their bodies for it; for, as was said, the form of the mind is also interiorly the form of the body, with the only difference that this is outwardly organized for effecting that to which the interior form of the body is determined by the mind. But the mind, formed from conjugial love, not only is inwardly in all the body, round about, everywhere, but especially is inwardly within the organs devoted to generation, which are situated in their own region below the other parts of the body. In these the forms of the mind are terminated with those who are united in conjugial love, consequently the affections and thoughts of their minds are determined thither. In this the activities of their minds from other loves differ; they do not reach thither. The conclusion formed from this is, that, as conjugial love is, in the minds or spirits of two, such is it inwardly in these their organs. But that after the nuptials the marriage of the spirit becomes also of the body, and thus full, is self-evident; consequently that if the marriage in the spirit is chaste, and partakes of its holiness, it is similar when in its fulness in the body; and the contrary if the marriage in the spirit is unchaste.

311. (15) That this is the order of conjugial love, with its modes, from its first heat to �its first torch. It is said, from its first heat to its first torch, because vital heat is love, and conjugial heat or love successively increases and at length is as it were in flame, or a torch; it is said, its first torch, because the first state after the nuptials is meant, when that love is ardent. But what it becomes after this torch, in the marriage itself, has been described in preceding chapters; but in this part of the treatise its order is explained, from the starting point to this its first goal.

That all order proceeds from firsts to lasts, and that the lasts become the firsts of any succeeding order; and that all things of intermediate order are the last of a prior and the first of a posterior; and that in this wise ends go forth continually through causes into effects, might be sufficiently confirmed and illustrated to reason from things known and seen in the world; but, as here only the order is treated of in which love goes forth from its first starting point to its goal, these things are passed by, and on this subject only this is said: That, as is the order of this love from its first heat to its first torch, such is it, and such it is continued, for the most part, in its progress afterwards. For in this progress it unfolds itself of such quality as its first heat was in itself, which, if chaste, its chasteness is strengthened in its progressions, but if unchaste, its unchasteness increases in progressing, even until it is deprived of all the chasteness in which it was outwardly and not inwardly from the time of betrothal.

312. (16) That conjugial love precipitated, without order and its modes, burns out the marrows and comes to an end. So it is said by some in heaven; and by the marrows they mean the interiors of the mind and of the body. The reason why these are burned out, that is, come to an end, by precipitate conjugial love, is that the love in such case begins with a flame, which eats up and consumes those inmost sanctuaries wherein as in its beginnings, conjugial love should dwell, and from which it should begin. This comes to pass if the man and the woman precipitate marriage, without order, not looking to the Lord, nor consulting reason, throwing aside betrothal, and yielding only to the flesh, from the burning heat of which if that love begins, it becomes external and not internal, and thus not conjugial love; and it may be said to be of the shell and not the kernel, or of the flesh, lean and dry, because exhausted of its genuine essence. More on this subject may be seen in n. 305.

313. (17) That the states of mind of each, proceeding in successive order, flow into the state of marriage; and yet in one manner with the spiritual and in. another with the natural. That the ultimate state is such as is the successive order from which it is formed and exists, is a canon which in the learned world should be acknowledged, because of its truth; for thus it is discovered what influx is, and what its effects. By influx is meant all that precedes and composes what follows, and through the things following in order, the ultimate; as all that precedes with man and constitutes his wisdom; or all that precedes with a politician and constitutes his prudence; or all that precedes with a theologian and constitutes his learning; in like manner all that proceeds from infancy and makes the man; so also what proceeds from the seed and the shrub and makes the tree, and afterwards from the blossom and makes the fruit. Just so all that precedes and proceeds with a bridegroom and bride and makes their marriage. This is meant by influx. That all things which precede in minds form series, and that the series bind themselves together, one beside the other and one after another, and that these together compose the ultimate, this has hitherto been unknown in the world; but it is here adduced because it is a truth from heaven. For by this it is discovered what the influx effects, and what is the quality of the ultimate, wherein the series just spoken of successively formed coexist.

From this it may be seen that the states of mind of each, proceeding in successive order, flow into the state of marriage. But married partners after marriage are entirely ignorant about the successive things which are in their minds, insinuated from things antecedent; and yet these are what give form to conjugial love, and make the state of their minds from which they act the one with the other. A different state, from a different order, is formed with the spiritual from that with the natural, because the spiritual proceed in right order, and the natural in a wrong order; for the spiritual look to the Lord, and the Lord provides and leads the order; but the natural look to themselves and thence proceed in inverted order. The state of their marriage is for that reason inwardly full of unchastities; and as many as are the unchastities, so many are the colds; and as many as are these, so many are the obstructions to inmost life by which its vein is clogged and its fountain dried up.

314. (18) Because there is successive order and simultaneous order, and the latter is from the former and according to it. This is adduced as a cause confirmative of the preceding. That there is what is successive, and that there is what is simultaneous, is known; but that simultaneous order is from the successive and according to it is not known. And yet how things successive insert themselves into the simultaneous, and the kind of order they form there, is extremely difficult to present to the perception, since there is not yet with the learned any idea that will serve for the elucidation of it; and as a first notion of this arcanum cannot be given in few words, and to present it here at length would draw minds away from a clearer view of conjugial love, it may serve sufficiently for illustration to quote what is briefly said respecting these two orders, the successive and the simultaneous, and of the influx of the former into the latter, in The Doctrine of the New Jerusalem concerning the Sacred Scriptures, where are these words:

“There is, in heaven and in the world, successive order and simultaneous order. In successive order one thing follows after another, from the highest even to the lowest; in simultaneous order, however, one thing is beside the other, from the inmost to the outermost. Successive order is as a column with steps from the highest to the lowest; simultaneous order is as a work cohering from the center to the circumference. Successive order becomes simultaneous in the ultimate, in this manner: The highest things of successive order become the inmost of simultaneous order; and the lowest things of successive order become the outermost of simultaneous order. It is comparatively as if a column of steps by subsiding becomes a cohering body in a plane. Thus what is simultaneous is formed from things successive, and this is so in all things and in every thing of the spiritual world, and in all and every thing of the natural world.” See n. 38, 65, in that work; and very much more on the subject in Angelic Wisdom concerning the Divine Love and the Divine Wisdom, n. 205-229. It is similar with the successive order to marriage, and the simultaneous order in marriage, that is to say, the latter is from the former and according to it. He who knows the influx of successive into simultaneous order can comprehend how the angels can see in a man’s hand all the thoughts and intentions of his mind; and also how wives from their husbands’ hands upon their breasts sensate their affections, which fact has been several times mentioned in the Relations. The reason is that the hands are the ultimates of man, into which the deliberations and conclusions of his mind are determined, and there make what is simultaneous. And therefore it is said in the Word that it is “written upon the hands.”*

* Is. xlix. 16; Rev. xiii. 16; xx. 4.

315. To this are added two Relations. First:-

I once saw not far from me an aerial phenomenon: I beheld a cloud divided into little clouds, some of which were of heavenly blue and some dark; and they appeared to me as if in collision with one another. Streaky rays flashed across them, which appeared now sharp like the points of swords, now blunt like broken swords; and the streaks now darted forwards, now withdrew into themselves, altogether like pugilists. Thus these small different colored clouds appeared as if fighting with one another, but they were at play. And as the appearance seemed not far away from me, I lifted up my eyes and looked intently, and saw boys, young men, and old men entering a house, which was built of marble with a substructure of porphyry. The phenomenon was above this house. Then, addressing one of those who were entering, I asked:

“What is here?” He answered, “A gymnasium, where young men are initiated into various matters that pertain to wisdom.”

Hearing this I went in with them. I was in the spirit, that is, in a similar state to that in which men are in the spiritual world, who are called spirits and angels. And lo! in the gymnasium there appeared in front, a chair; in the middle, benches; at the sides, seats round about; and over the entrance, an orchestra. The chair was for the young men who made answer to the problem to be proposed at that time; the benches were for the auditors; the seats at the sides were for those who had answered wisely before; and the orchestra was for the elders, who were to be arbiters and judges. In the middle of the orchestra was a tribunal where sat a wise man whom they called chief teacher, who proposed the problems to which the young men were to make answer from the chair.

After they were assembled the man arose from the tribunal and said, “Answer now, I pray, to this problem, and solve it if you can: What is the soul, and what is the nature of it?”

At hearing this problem they were all surprised, and murmured, and some of the assemblage upon the benches exclaimed, “Who among men, from the Saturnian age to this our own, has been able to see and apprehend, with any rational thought, what the soul is, and still less what the nature of it is? Is it not above the sphere of the understanding of all?”

But to this they replied from the orchestra, “It is not above the understanding, but within it, and before it; only answer.”

Then the young men chosen for that day to go up to the chair and answer to the problem, arose. They were five, who had been examined by the elders and found to excel in sagacity. They were then sitting on cushioned seats at the sides of the chair; and afterwards they went up in the order in which they sat. Each one when he ascended put on a tunic of silk of the color of opal, over this a toga of soft wool in which flowers were interwoven, and on his head a cap, upon the crown of which was a chaplet of roses encircled with small sapphires.

And I saw the first thus clothed ascend, who said, “What the soul is, and what is the nature of the soul, has not been revealed to any one since the day of creation. It is a secret among the treasures of God alone. But this has been discovered, that the soul dwells within man as a queen.. But where her court is, the learned seers have but conjectured; some, that it is in a small tubercle between the cerebrum and the cerebellum, called the pineal gland. They make the seat of the soul in this, because the whole man is governed from those two brains and this tubercle disposes them; and, therefore, what disposes the brains at will regulates also the whole man, from head to heel” And he added, “Hence this has appeared to many in the world as the truth, or as a probability; but after a time it was rejected as a figment”

When he had said this he put off the toga, the tunic, and cap; which the second of the chosen put on, and ascended to the chair. His statement respecting the soul was, that:

“In all heaven and in all the world it is unknown what the soul is, and what the nature of it is. It is known that it is, and that it is within man, but where, is only conjectured. This is certain, that it is in the head, since there the understanding thinks, and there the will intends, and in the front of the head, in the face, are man’s five organs of sense. Nothing gives life to all these but the soul which resides in the head. But where its court therein is, I do not venture to say, but have agreed with those who assign its seat in the three ventricles of the brain; now with those who assign it to the striated bodies there, now with those who assign it to the medullary substance of each brain, now with those who locate it in the cortical substance, now with those who place it in the dura mater. For there have not been wanting white stones,* as it were, for the confirmation of each seat; stones for the three ventricles in the brain, because they are receptacles of the animal spirits, and of all the lymphs of the brain; stones for the striated bodies, because these form the medulla through which go forth the nerves, and through which each brain is continued into the spine, and from this and from that go forth the fibers out of which the whole body is woven together; stones for the medullary substance of each brain, because this is a collection and assemblage of all the fibers which are the rudiments of the whole man; stones for the cortical substance, because there are the first and the ultimate ends, and thence the beginnings of all the fibers, and thus of the senses and motions; stones for the dura mater, because this is the common covering of each brain, and extends thence by a kind of continuation over the heart, and over the viscera of the body. As for me, I am not more in favor of one of these conjectures than of another. I beg you to judge, and to choose which you prefer.

Having said this he descended, and passed the tunic, the toga, and the cap to the third, who ascending to the chair said:

“What have I, a young man, to do with so lofty a theme? I appeal to the learned men sitting here on either side, I appeal to you wise men in the orchestra, yea, I appeal to the angels of the highest heaven, whether any one, of his own rational light, can attain to any idea of the soul. But respecting its seat in man, I can like others conjecture; and I opine that it is in the heart, and thence in the blood; and the reason of my opinion is, that the heart by its blood governs both the body and the head. For it sends forth the great vessel called the aorta into all the body, and sends the vessels called carotids into all the head, whence there is the universal agreement, that the soul from the heart by means of the blood sustains, nourishes, and vivifies the whole organic system of the body and of the head. In support of this opinion may be added, the expression “heart and soul,” used so many times in the Sacred Scriptures as:

Thou shalt love God with all the heart and with all the soul, and that God creates in man a new soul and a new heart (Deut. vi. 5; x. 12; xi. 13; xxvi. 16; Jer. xxxii. 41; Matt. xxii. 37; Mark xii. 30, 33; Luke x. 27; and other places);

and plainly, that:-

The blood is the soul of the flesh (Lev. xvii. 11, 14).

On hearing this some raised their voices and exclaimed, “Learned, Learned.” They were of the canons.

Then the fourth, having put on the vestments of this one, ascended to the chair, and said:

“I also surmise that no one is of a genius so subtle and refined that he can discover what the soul is, and the nature of it. I am therefore of the opinion that by him who would pry into this subject, subtlety is wasted upon vain efforts. And yet from boyhood I have remained confidently of the opinion in which the ancients were, that the soul of man is in the whole of him and in every part, and thus that it is in the head and in the least parts of it, and in the body and in the least parts of it; and that it was a groundless notion invented by the moderns to designate its seat somewhere, and not everywhere. The soul, moreover, is a spiritual substance, whereof extension is not predicated, nor place, but habitation and impletion. And who when he speaks of the soul does not mean the life? Is not the life in the whole and in every part?”

Many in the audience were favorable to this opinion.

After him the fifth arose, and adorned with the same insignia said this from the chair:

“I do not stop to say where the soul is, whether in some part, or in the whole, everywhere. But from my stock and store I open my mind on the question, What is the soul? And of what nature is it? The soul is not thought of by any one but as a pure something, which may be likened to ether, or air, or wind, wherein the vital from rationality is, which man has more than beasts. I have based this opinion upon the fact that when a man expires he is said to breathe out or give up the soul or spirit. And hence also the soul living after death is believed to be such a breath, wherein is the cogitative life called the soul. What else can the soul be? But as I heard you say from the orchestra that the problem concerning the soul, what it is, and the nature of it, is not above the understanding but in and before it, I beg and pray that you yourselves will unveil this eternal arcanum.”

Then the elders in the orchestra looked to the chief teacher who had proposed the question, who understood from their beckoning that they wished him to descend and instruct. And he immediately descended from the tribunal, passed through the auditorium, and ascended to the chair; and then extending his hand he said:

“Listen, I pray: Who does not believe the soul to be the inmost and the subtlest essence of the man? And what is an essence without a form but a creature of the reason? The soul then is a form. But it shall be told what form. It is the form of all things of love and all things of wisdom. All things of love are called affections, and all things of wisdom are called perceptions. The latter are from the former and thus with them make one form, wherein things innumerable are in such order, series, and coherency, that they can be called one. And they can be called one because nothing can be taken away from it and nothing added to it so that it shall be such. What is the human soul but such a form? Are not all things of love and all things of wisdom essentials of that form? And these with man are in the soul, and from the soul in the head, and in the body. You are called spirits and angels; and you believed in the world that spirlts and angels are as winds or ethers, and thus minds and breaths. But you now see clearly that in fact you are really and actually men, who in the world lived and thought in a material body; and you know that the material body does not live and think, but the spiritual substance in that body; and this you called the soul, whose form you did not know. But now you have seen and see it. You all are souls, about the immortality of which you have heard, thought, said, and written so much; and you cannot die to eternity, because you are forms of love and wisdom from God. The soul then is the human form, from which nothing can be taken away, and to which nothing can be added; and it is the inmost form of all forms of the entire body. And as the forms that are without take both essence and form from the inmost, therefore you, just as you appear to yourselves and to us, are souls. In a word, the soul is the man himself, because it is the inmost man; for which reason its form is the human form, fully and perfectly, and yet it is not life, but the nearest receptacle of life from God; and thus it is a dwelling-place of God.”

Many applauded these words, but some said, “We will reflect upon them.”

I then went home, and lo! over that gymnasium, in place of the former phenomenon, a bright white cloud appeared, without streaks or rays contending with one another, which cloud, penetrating the roof, entered and illuminated the walls. And I heard that they saw writings, and among others this:-

Jehovah God breathed into man’s nostrils the soul of lives and man was made a living soul (Gen. 7).

* A figurative reference to the ancient custom of voting by small white or black stones cast into an urn. [TR.]

316. The Second Relation:-

Walking once, in tranquillity of spirit and delightful peace of mind, I saw in the distance a grove, in the middle of which was an avenue extending to a small palace; and I saw maidens and young men, and husbands and wives entering. In the spirit I also went thither. And I asked a certain keeper standing at the entrance whether I too might go in. He looked at me, and I asked him, “Why do you look at me?”

He answered, “I look at you to see, whether the delight of peace which is in your face takes anything from the delight of conjugial love. Beyond this avenue is a small garden and in the midst of it a house where are two newly wedded married partners, to whom friends of both sexes are coming to-day to wish them happiness. Those whom I permit to enter I do not know, but have been told that I shall know them by their faces. If I see in them the delight of conjugial love I am to admit them and not others.”

All angels can perceive the delights of the heart of others from their faces, and the delight of that love which he saw in my face was because I was meditating on conjugial love. This meditation shone forth from my eyes, and thence entered the interiors of my face. He therefore told me that I might go in.

The avenue by which I entered was of fruit-trees mutually conjoined by their branches, which formed a continued wall of trees on either side. I passed through the avenue into the small garden which breathed a pleasant fragrance from its shrubs and flowers. The shrubs and the flowers were pairs and pairs, and I heard that such small gardens appear around houses where there are or have been nuptials, and that they are therefore called nuptial gardens.

Afterwards I went into the house and saw there the two married partners, holding each other by the hand and conversing together from love truly conjugial. And it was given me then to see from their faces the very likeness of conjugial love, and from their conversation the vital of it.

When, among the many, I had offered my congratulations and wished them happiness, I went out into the little nuptial garden, and there saw on the right side of it a gathering of young men, towards which all who came out of the house were hastening. The reason why all were running to the place was that the discourse there was about conjugial love, and discourse on that subject by a certain secret power attracts the minds of all to itself. Then I listened to a wise man who was speaking on the subject, and what I heard was in brief this, that:

“The Divine Providence of the Lord respecting marriages and in marriages, in the heavens, is in the most single things and thence in things the most universal, because all the felicities of heaven spring from the delights of conjugial love, as sweet waters from the sweet current of a fountain. And for the same reason it is provided by the Lord that conjugial pairs are born; and that they are continually educated for marriage, the boy and the girl being ignorant of it; and that after the completed time, the then marriageable virgin and the then marriageable youth meet and see each other, somewhere, as if by fate, and then instantly, as by some instinct, they know that they are mates, and from a kind of internal dictate they think within them, the young man, She is mine,’ and the maiden, �He is mine.’ And after this has been for some time in the minds of both, they deliberately address each other and are betrothed. It is said, as if by fate, and as if by instinct, but the meaning is �by the Divine Providence, because this, when unknown, appears so.'”

That conjugial pairs are born and are educated for marriage, unconsciously to both, he confirmed by the conjugial similarity visible in the faces of both, also by the inmost and eternal union of dispositions (animorum) and minds (mentium), which could not be as it is in heaven unless foreseen and provided by the Lord.

After the wise man had thus spoken, and the company applauded, he said further:

“The conjugial is in the very minutest particulars with man, both in the male and in the female; but still the conjugial is one thing in the male and another in the female; and in the masculine conjugial there is something conjunctive with the feminine conjugial, and vice versa, even in the most minute particulars.” This he confirmed by the marriage of the will and the understanding in every one, “which two act together in the very smallest particulars of the mind and in the very smallest particulars of the body, from which it may be seen that the conjugial is in every substantial thing, even the least; and this is made evident by the composite substances that are composed of simple substances. For example, there are two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, two cheeks, two lips, two arms with hands, two loins, two feet; and within in man, two hemispheres of the brain, two ventricles of the heart, two lobes of the lungs, two kidneys, two testicles. And where there are not two they are yet divided in twain. The reason why there are two is because the one is of the will; and the other of the understanding, which act into each other marvellously that they may present a one; so that the two eyes make one sight, the two ears one hearing, the two nostrils one smell, the two lips one speech, the two hands one labor, the two feet one walking, the two hemispheres of the brain one habitation of the mind, the two chambers of the heart one life of the body by means of the blood, the two lobes of the lungs one respiration, and so on. And the masculine and the feminine united by love truly conjugial make one fully human life.”

When he had said this, lightning, which was red, appeared on the right, and on the left, lightning which was white; both were mild, and entered through the eyes into the minds and also enlightened them. And after the lightning it thundered also, which was a gentle murmur flowing down from the angelic heaven and growing louder. Hearing and seeing this, the wise man said:

“These are a signal and monition to me that I should add this to what I have said: That the right of those pairs signifies the good of them, and the left signifies the truth of them; and that this is from the marriage of good and truth, which is inscribed upon a man as a whole and upon his every least part, and the good relates to the will and the truth to the understanding, and both together to a one. Hence it is that in heaven the right eye is the good of vision, and the left is the truth of it; the right ear is the good of hearing, and the left is the truth of it; and that the right hand is the good of man’s power, and the left is the truth of it; and similarly with the other pairs. It was because the right and left have these significations that the Lord said:-

If thy right eye cause thee to stumble, pluck it out. And if thy right hand cause thee to stumble, cut it off (Matt. v. 29, 30).

by which is meant that if good becomes evil it is to be cast out. So also that He told His disciples to,

Cast the net on the right side of the ship; and that when they did this they took an immense multitude of fishes (John xxi. 6, 7);

by which He meant that they should teach the good of charity and thus would gather men.”

After these words two flashes of lightning appeared again, milder than before; and at the same time it was seen that the lightning on the left derived its brilliant whiteness from the ruddy fire of the lightning on the right; seeing which he said, “This is a sign from heaven confirmative of what I have said. For in heaven the fiery is good and shining white is truth; and that the lightning on the left was seen to take its shining white from the red fire of the lightning on the right is a sign showing that the brilliant whiteness of light, or light, is nothing else than the splendor of fire.”

On hearing this all went home, enkindled by those lightnings and by the discourse concerning them, with the good and truth of gladness.

317. CONCERNING REPEATED MARRIAGES.

It may come into discussion whether conjugial love, which is of one man with one wife, can after the death of a married partner be separated, or transferred, or superinduced; so also whether repeated marriages have anything in common with polygamy, and may thus be called successive polygamy; besides many other questions which with reasoners are wont to add themselves as scruples to scruples. Therefore, in order that masters of casuistry, who reason in the shade about these marriages, may see some light, I have thought it would be worth while to present to the judgment the following propositions concerning them, viz.

(1) That whether to contract matrimony again after the death of a married partner depends upon the preceding conjugial love.

(2) That it depends also upon the state of marriage in which they had lived.

(3) That with those who had not love truly conjugial nothing stands in the way, or hinders their contracting matrimony again.

(4) That those who have lived together in love truly conjugial do not wish to marry again, unless for reasons apart from conjugial love.

(5) That the state of marriage of a young man with a virgin is of one kind, and that of a young man with a widow of another.

(6) Also that the state of marriage of a widower with a virgin is of one kind, and that of a widower with a widow of another.

(7) That the varieties and diversities of these marriages, as to love and its attributes, exceed all number.

(8) That the state of a widow is more grievous than the state of a widower.

Now follows the explanation of these.

318. (1) That whether to contract matrimony again after the death of a married partner depends upon the preceding conjugial love. Love truly conjugial is as a balance in which inclinations to marry again are weighed. In the degree that the preceding conjugial love approximates to that love the inclination to marry again recedes; and in the degree that the preceding love departs from that love the inclination to marry again is wont to draw near. The reason is obvious, because conjugial love is in a like degree a conjunction of minds, which continues in the bodily life of one after the decease of the other; and this holds the inclination, like the tongue in the balance, and makes the preponderance according to the appropriation of true love. But as an approach to this love is rarely made at this day, unless for a few steps, the scale of preponderance of inclination commonly raises itself to the point of equilibrium, and from this point tends and inclines to the other side, that is, to marriage. The contrary is the case with those whose preceding love in the former marriage drew away from love truly conjugial. The reason is, that recession from that love is in a like degree a disjunction of minds, which also continues in the life of the body of the one after the death of the other, and enters the will, disconnected from the will of the other, and causes an inclination to a new conjunction, in favor of which the thought, introduced by the inclination of the will, brings in the hope of a more united and thus more delightful cohabitation. That the inclinations to repeated marriages take their rise from the state of the preceding love is known. And reason sees it also; for inherent in love truly conjugial is the fear of loss, and grief after loss, and this grief and that fear are in the very inmosts of the mind. Hence it is that just so far as that love is in them, so far the soul inclines, both in will and thought, that is in intention, to be in the subject with which and in which it was. It follows from this that the mind is held in poise as to another marriage, according to the degree of love in which it was in the former. Hence it is that the same are reunited after death and mutually love each other in like manner as in the world. But, as was said above, at this day that love is rare, and they are few who touch it with the finger, and those that do not touch it, and more yet, those that wander far away from it, as they longed for separation during the past life with the consort, which was cold, so after the death they desire conjunction with another. But more will be said of both of these in what follows.

319. (2) That whether to contract matrimony again after the death of a married partner depends also upon the state of marriage in which they had lived. By the state of marriage is not here meant the state of love, of which in the preceding section, because this causes an internal inclination for or against marriage, but the state of the marriage is meant which causes an external inclination for or against it, and this state with its inclinations is manifold: For example. (1) If there are small children in the house and a new mother needs to be provided for them. (2) If still more children are desired. (3) If the house is large and equipped with servants of both sexes. (4) If continual out-of-door occupations withdraw the mind from the affairs of the household at home, so that without a new mistress there is fear of trouble and misfortune. (5) If mutual aid and mutual services are required, as in various kinds of business and occupation. (6) Moreover, it depends on the peculiar qualities of the separated married partner, whether after the first marriage the one can or cannot live alone, or without a consort. (7) The preceding marriage also either causes a fear of conjugial life, or favor towards it. (8) I have heard that polygamous love, and the love of sex, also the lust of defloration, and the lust of variety, have led the minds of some into a desire for repeated marriages; and that the minds of some have been led by fear of the law, and for their reputation, in case they indulge in whoredom. Besides many other incentives which produce external inclinations to marriages.

320. (3) That with those who had not love truly conjugial nothing stands in the way, or hinders their contracting matrimony again. There is no spiritual or internal bond in the case of those who had not conjugial love, but only a natural or external bond; and if an internal bond does not hold the external together in its order aid tenor it does not endure, any more than a bandage with the fastening removed, which spreads out as it is cast down or disturbed by the wind. The reason is that the natural takes its origin from the spiritual, and in its existence is nothing else than a collection brought together by virtue of things spiritual. If then the natural be separated from its spiritual by which it was produced and as it were begotten, it is no longer held together from within, but only outwardly, by the spiritual that surrounds and binds it in general, but does not collect it nor hold it collected in particular. Hence it is that the natural separated from the spiritual with two married partners, effects no conjunction of minds, and so not of their wills; but only a conjunction of some external affections which cohere with the senses of the body. That with such there is no obstacle or hindrance to their marrying again, is because they had not the essentials of marriage, and hence there are none with them after separation by death. Therefore they are then in entire freedom to bind their sensual affections, if a widower with whatever woman, and if a widow with whatever man is agreeable and lawful. They themselves do not think of marriage otherwise than naturally, and of advantage for various external needs and utilities, which after the death of one can be restored again by another person in place of the former. And perhaps if their inward thoughts were seen through, as in the spiritual world, there might not be found in them any distinction between conjugial conjunctions and copulations outside of the conjugial. It is permissible for these to marry again and again-for the reason given above. For conjunctions that are only natural are of themselves dissolved and flow apart after death, because external affections at death follow the body and are entombed with it, those remaining which are coherent with things internal. But it should be known that marriages inwardly conjuntive can only with difficulty be entered into on earth, because the choice of internal similitudes cannot here be provided by the Lord as in the heavens; because they are limited in many ways, as, to equals in station and condition, or within the country, the city, and the village of their abode; and here for the most part external things serve to knit them together, and thus not internal, which do not come forth, unless some time after marriage; and only when these put themselves forth into externals do they become known.