Conjugial Love · §§ 161–200

161. (5) That conjunction is inspired into the man by the wife, according to her love; and is received by the man according to his wisdom. That love and thence conjunction is inspired into the man by the wife, is at this day concealed from men, yea, is universally denied by them. The reason is that wives persuade that only the men love and they themselves receive; or that the men are loves and they obediences. They also rejoice in heart when men believe so. There are many reasons why they persuade them of this, all of which are of the prudence and circumspection of wives-whereof something will be told in the following pages, and especially in the chapter on, The Causes of Cold, of Separation, and of Divorce among Married Partners. The reason why the inspiration or insinuation of love is from the wives into men is that with men there is nothing of conjugial love, nor even of the love of the sex, but only with wives and women. That this is so has been shown me to the life in the spiritual world. There was once a conversation there on this subject, and the men, persuaded by their wives, insisted that they love and not the wives, and that the wives receive love from them. To settle the controversy about this secret all the women including the wives were withdrawn from the men, and with them at the same time the very sphere of the love of the sex was removed, which taken away the men came into an altogether strange state, never perceived before, of which they greatly complained. Then, while they were in this state the women were brought to them and the wives to their husbands and tenderly addressed them. But they became cold at their blandishments, and turned away, and said among themselves, “What is this? What is a woman?” And when some said they were their wives, they answered, “What is a wife? We do not know you.” But when the wives began to be grieved at this utterly frigid indifference of the men, and some of them to weep, the sphere of the love of the female sex and the conjugial sphere, which till now had been taken away from the men, was restored; and then immediately the men returned into their former state, the lovers of marriage to theirs, and the lovers of the sex into theirs. The men were thus convinced that nothing of conjugial love nor even of the love of the sex resides with them, but solely with wives and women. And yet afterwards the wives, of their prudence, led the men to believing that love resides with the men, and that some little spark of it may pass from them into themselves.

This experience is here adduced that it may be known that wives are loves, and men are receptions. That men are receptions according to the wisdom with them, especially according to this, from religion, that the wife only is to be loved, is plain from the consideration that when the wife only is loved the love is concentrated; and as it is also ennobled thereby it abides in its strength, is constant, and enduring; and that otherwise it would be as when wheat out of a granary is cast to the dogs, whereby there is want at home.

162. (6) That this conjunction is effected successively from the first days of marriage; and that with those who are in love truly conjugial it is effected more and more inwardly to eternity. The first heat of marriage does not conjoin, for it draws from the love of the sex, which is of the body and thence of the spirit; and what is from the body in the spirit does not long endure. But love which is from the spirit in the body is enduring. Love that is of the spirit, and of the body from the spirit, is insinuated into the souls and minds of married partners, together with friendship and confidence. When these two conjoin themselves with the first love of marriage it becomes conjugial love, which opens the hearts, and breathes into them the sweets of love; and this more and more inwardly as the two adjoin themselves to the primitive love and that enters into them; and the reverse.

163. (7) That the conjunction of the wife with the rational wisdom of the husband is effected from within; but with his moral wisdom, from without. That wisdom with men is twofold, rational and moral; and that their rational wisdom is only of the understanding, and their moral wisdom is of the understanding and at the same time of the life, may be concluded and seen by mere intuition and exploration. But that it may be known what is meant by the rational wisdom of men, and what by their moral wisdom, some things will be enumerated specifically. The things pertaining to rational wisdom are designated by various names. In general they are called knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom; and in particular, rationality, judgment, genius, learning, sagacity. But as there are knowledges peculiar to every one in his occupation, these are therefore of great diversity; for example there are knowledges peculiar to the clergy, peculiar to magistrates, peculiar to their various officials, peculiar to judges, peculiar to physicians and chemists, peculiar to soldiers and to mariners, peculiar to mechanics and workmen, peculiar to husbandmen, and so on. To rational wisdom pertain also all the knowledges into which youths are initiated in schools and by these afterwards into intelligence; and they too are called by various names, as philosophy, physics, geometry, mechanics, chemistry, astronomy, jurisprudence, politics, ethics, history, and many others, through which as by doors, they enter into things rational whereby rational wisdom is formed.

164. But to moral wisdom with men pertain all moral virtues, which look to the life and enter into it; and also all spiritual virtues, which flow forth from love to God and love towards the neighbor and flow together into them. The virtues which pertain to the moral wisdom of men are likewise of various name, and are called temperance, sobriety, probity, benevolence, friendship, modesty, sincerity, obligingness, civility; and also assiduity, industry, alertness, alacrity, munificence, liberality, generosity, earnestness, intrepidity, prudence, and other names. Spiritual virtues with men are the love of religion, charity, truth, faith, conscience, innocence, and many others. These virtues and the former may in general be referred to love and zeal for religion, for the public good, for country, for fellow-citizens, for parents, for wife, and for children. In all these justice and judgment dominate; justice is of moral wisdom, and judgment is of rational wisdom.

165. The conjunction of the wife with the rational wisdom of the man is from within, because this wisdom is peculiar to the understanding of men, and ascends into a light in which women are not, which is the reason why women do not speak from this wisdom, but in the company of men when such matters are discussed are silent and only listen. That nevertheless these things are with wives, from within, is manifest from their listening, and from the fact that inwardly they recognize them and favor what they hear and have heard from their husbands.

And that the conjunction of a wife with the moral wisdom of men is from without, is because the virtues of this wisdom for the most part are akin to similar virtues with women, and partake of the intellectual will of the man, wherewith the will of the wife unites itself and forms a marriage. And because the wife knows these virtues with a man better than the man knows them with himself, it is said that the conjunction of the wife with them is from without.

166. (8) That for the sake of this conjunction as an end to the wife is given a perception of the husband’s affections, and also consummate prudence in moderating them. That wives cognize the affections of their husbands, and that they prudently moderate them, is also among the secrets of conjugial love stored up with wives. They cognize them by three senses, by sight, by hearing, and by touch; and they moderate them all unknown to their husbands. Now as these things are among the secrets of wives it is not proper for me to disclose them as to particulars. But since it is proper for wives themselves, therefore four Relations follow after the chapters, in which they are disclosed by them,-two from the three wives dwelling in a hall upon which as it were golden rain was seen falling; and two from the seven wives sitting in a garden of roses; which, if read, the secret will appear unveiled.

167. (9) That wives hide this perception with themselves and conceal it from the husbands, for reasons which are necessities; in order that conjugial love, friendship, and confidence, and so the blessedness of living together, and the happiness of life, may be confirmed. The hiding and concealment by wives of their perception of the husband’s affections are called necessities because if made known they would alienate husbands from bed, from chamber, and from the house. The reason is that there is profoundly inherent in most men conjugial coldness, from many causes, which will be set forth in the chapter, On the Causes of Coldnesses, of Separations, and of Divorces among Married Partners. If wives were to disclose the affections and inclinations of their husbands this coldness would break forth from its hiding places and chill, first the interiors of the mind, then the bosom, and from thence the ultimates of love which are devoted to generation, which being chilled conjugial love would be exiled so far that there would remain no hope of friendship, of confidence, and of the blessedness of living together, nor therefore of the happiness of life; yet on this hope wives are continually feeding. To disclose that they know the affections and inclinations of love with their husbands carries with it a declaration and publication of their own love; and it is known that in so far as wives open their mouths about it men grow cold and desire separation. From this the truth of this proposition is clear, that the reasons why wives conceal their perception within them, and hide it from their husbands, are necessities.

168. (10) That this perception is the wisdom of the wife; that it cannot be with the man; and that the rational wisdom of the man cannot be with the wife. This follows from the difference that there is between the masculine and the feminine It is masculine to perceive from the understanding; and feminine to perceive from love. And the understanding perceives things also that are above the body and beyond the world, for rational and spiritual sight goes thither; but love does not go beyond what it feels; when farther, it derives it from conjunction with the understanding of the man (vir) established by creation. For understanding is of light, and love is of heat; and things that are of light are plainly seen, and things of love are felt. From these considerations it is manifest that, on account of the universal difference that exists between the masculine and the feminine, the wisdom of the wife cannot be with the man, nor the wisdom of the man with the wife. Nor can the moral wisdom of the man be with women in so far as it partakes of his rational wisdom.

169. (11) That the wife is constantly thinking about the inclination of the man to herself, with the purpose of conjoining him to herself. This comports with the explanation given above, which see, that the inclination with the wife to unite the man to herself is constant and perpetual, but with the man is inconstant and alternating. From this it follows that the thought of the wife is continual about the inclination of the husband to herself, with a mind to conjoin him to her. The thought of the wife about the husband, it is true, is interrupted by the domestic affairs that are under her care; but still it abides in the affection of her love, and with women this does not disconnect itself from thought, as with men. But these things I relate as they were told. See the two Relations from the seven wives sitting in a garden of roses, which follow one of the chapters.*

* n. 293, 294.

170. (12) That the wife conjoins herself to the man by applying herself to the desires of his will. This is among the things well known; explanation of it is therefore omitted.

171. (13) That the wife is conjoined to her man through the sphere of her life going forth from her love. From every man there goes, nay rather pours forth and encompasses him, a spiritual sphere from the affections of his love; and this imparts itself to the natural sphere which is from the body, and they conjoin themselves. That a natural sphere flows forth continually from the body, not only from man but also from beasts, yea from trees, fruits, flowers, and even from metals, is commonly known. It is similar in the spiritual world; but the spheres flowing out from subjects there are spiritual; and those that emanate from spirits and angels are inwardly spiritual, because with them are affections of love and interior perceptions and thoughts thence. All sympathy and antipathy derive thence their origin; also all conjunction and disjunction. And according to them is presence and absence there; for what is homogeneous or concordant effects conjunction and presence, and what is heterogeneous and discordant effects disjunction and absence. These spheres therefore make the distances there. What these spheres effect in the natural world is known also to some. The inclinations of the married toward each other are from no other origin. Unanimous and concordant spheres unite them opposing and discordant spheres disunite them. For concordant spheres are delightful and grateful, and discordant spheres are unpleasant and disagreeable. I have heard from the angels, who are in clear perception of these spheres, that in men there is no part within, nor any part without, that does not renew itself, which is effected by dissolutions and restitutions, and that from them is the sphere which goes forth continually. And they said that this sphere encompasses man from the back, and from the breast, but is attenuated at the back and denser at the breast; that what is from the breast conjoins itself with the respiration, and that thence it is that two married partners who are of different mind and discordant affections lie in bed turned back to back; and on the other hand that those who agree in minds and affections mutually turn towards each other. They said further that the spheres-because they go forth from every part of man and are continued widely about him-not only outwardly conjoin and disjoin two married partners, but also inwardly, and that thence come all the differences and varieties of conjugal love. Finally, they said the sphere of love going forth from a wife who is tenderly loved is perceived in heaven as deliciously fragrant, far more delightful than it is perceived in the world by a newly married husband in the first days after marriage. From this the truth affirmed is plain, that the wife is conjoined to the man by the sphere of her life going forth from her love.

172. (14) That the wife is conjoined to the husband by the appropriation of the powers of his manhood; but that this takes place according to their mutual spiritual love. That this is so I have also taken from the mouth of the angels. They said that the prolific gifts imparted by husbands are received by wives in a universal manner and add themselves to their life; and that thus wives lead a life unanimous, and gradually more unanimous with their husbands; and that thereby is effectively wrought a union of souls and a conjunction of minds. They said the reason is this, that in the prolific [gift] of the husband is his soul, and his mind also as to its interiors which are conjoined to the soul. They added that this was provided from creation, in order that the wisdom of the man which constitutes his soul may be appropriated to the wife, and that thus they may became, according to the Lord’s word, one flesh. And also that this was provided lest after conception the male man should from some fancy leave his wife. But they added, that applications and appropriations of the life of husbands with wives are effected according to their conjugial love, for love which is spiritual union conjoins; and that this too was provided, for many reasons.

173. (15) That the wife thus receives into herself the image of her husband, and thence perceives, sees, and feels his affections. From the reasons adduced above it follows as proven, that wives receive into themselves the things pertaining to the wisdom of their husbands, that is, the things which are proper to their souls and minds; and thus from virgins they make themselves wives. The reasons from whence this follows are: (1) That the woman was created from the man. (2) That thence there is an inclination in her to unite herself and as it were reunite herself with the man. (3) That from this union with her companion, and for the sake of it, the woman is born the love of the man; and becomes more and more his love by marriage, because then the love continually employs its thoughts about conjoining the man to herself. (4) That she is conjoined to her only one by applications to his life’s desires. (5) That they are conjoined by the spheres which encompass them and which unite themselves, universally and singly, according to the quality of conjugial love with the wives, and at the same time according to the quality of the wisdom that receives it on the part of the husbands. (6) That they are conjoined also through appropriations by wives of the powers of the husbands. (7) Whence it is clear that something of the husband is continually transcribed into the wife, and is inscribed upon her as her own. From all this it follows, that an image of the husband is formed in the wife; from which image the wife perceives, sees, and feels within herself the things that are in her husband, and thence as it were, herself in him. She perceives by communication, sees by look, and feels by the touch. That she feels the reception of her love by the husband by the touch in the palms, upon her cheeks, arms, hands, and breasts, the three wives in a hail and the seven wives in a garden of roses disclosed to me; of which in the Relations.

174. (16) That there are duties proper to the man, and duties proper to the wife; and that the wife cannot enter into the duties proper to the man, nor the man into the duties proper to the wife, and rightly perform them. That there are duties proper to the man and duties proper to the wife there is no need to illustrate by recounting them; for they are many and various; and every one knows how to classify them numerically after their kinds and species, if only he directs his mind to the discernment of them. The duties above all others by which wives conjoin themselves to their husbands are the education of the children of both sexes, and of girls up to the age when they are given in marriage.

175. That a wife cannot enter into the duties proper to the man, nor on the other hand a man into the duties proper to the wife, is because they differ as do wisdom and its love, or as thought and its affection, or as understanding and its will. In the duties proper to men, understanding, thought, and wisdom act the leading part; but in the duties proper to wives, will, affection, and love act the leading part; and from these the wife does her duties, and from those the man does his. Their duties are therefore of their own nature different, and yet are conjunctive, in a successive series. It is believed by many that women can perform the duties of men, if only they are initiated into them from their earliest age after the manner of boys; into the exercise of them they can indeed be initiated, but not into the judgment on which the right performance of the duties inwardly depends. Women, therefore, who are initiated into the duties of men are constrained in matters of judgment to consult with men; and then, if free to act, they choose out of their counsels what favors their own love. It is supposed also by some that women are equally able to lift up the sight of their understanding into the sphere of light in which men are, and to view things in the same altitude, which opinion has been induced upon them by the writings of some learned authoresses. But these writings, explored in their presence in the spiritual world, are found not to come of judgment and wisdom, but of genius and eloquence; and the products of these two, from elegance and beautiful fitness in the composition of words, appears as if sublime and erudite, but only to those who term all ingenuity wisdom. That on the other hand men cannot enter into the duties proper to women and rightly perform them, is because they cannot enter into their affections, which are entirely distinct from the affections of men. Because the affections and perceptions of the male sex are from creation and thence by nature thus distinct, therefore among the statutes with the sons of Israel was this also

The garment of a man shall not be upon a woman, neither shall the garment of a woman be upon a man, for it is an abomination (Deut. xxii. 5).

The reason was that in the spiritual world all are clothed according to their affections, and the two affections, of the woman and of the man, cannot be united except between two, and never in one.

176. (17) That these duties also, according to mutual aid, conjoin the two into one; and at the same time make one house. That the duties of the husband in some way conjoin themselves with the duties of the wife, and that the duties of the wife adjoin themselves to the duties of the husband, and that these conjunctions and adjunctions are a mutual help, and are according to mutual help, are among the things known in the world. But the primary things which confederate, consociate, and gather the souls and lives of two married partners into one, are the common care of the education of children, in relation to which the duties of the husband and the duties of the wife are distinct, and at the same time conjoin themselves. They are distinct, in that the care of suckling and the education of infants of both sexes, and also of the instruction of girls up to the age when they may become marriageable and associate with men, is a duty peculiar to the wife. But the care of the instruction of boys, after childhood up to puberty, and from that until they become their own master, is a duty proper to the husband. But these duties conjoin themselves, by counsels and support, and many other mutual helps. That these duties-both those that are conjoined and those that are distinct, or the common as well as the peculiar-draw the minds of married partners together into one, and that the love called storge effects this, is known. It is also known that regarded as to their distinctness and their conjunction these duties make one house.

177. (18) That married partners, according to the above mentioned conjunctions, become one man more and more. This coincides with the contents of article 6, which see, where it is explained that conjunction is effected successively from the first days of marriage; and that with those who are in love truly conjugial the conjunction is effected more and more inwardly, to eternity. They become one man according to the increase of conjugial love; and as in the heavens this love is genuine, from the celestial and spiritual life of the angels, two married partners there are called two when mentioned as husband and wife, and one when spoken of as angels.

178. (19) That they who are in love truly conjugial feel themselves to be a united man, and as one flesh. That this is so is to be confirmed, not from the mouth of any inhabitant of the earth, but from the mouths of the inhabitants of heaven; for with men on earth at this day there is no love truly conjugial. And besides, they are enveloped with a gross body, which dulls and absorbs the sense that two married partners are a united man and as one flesh. Moreover, they who in the world love their married partners only outwardly and not inwardly are not willing to hear of this; they also think of the subject from the flesh, lasciviously. It is otherwise with the angels of heaven, because they are in spiritual and celestial conjugial love, and are not enveloped in a gross body as men are on earth. I have heard it attested by those who have lived for ages with their married partners in heaven, that they feel themselves to be thus united, the husband with his wife and the wife with her husband, and feel each to be mutually and reciprocally in the other, also as if one flesh, although distinct.

The reason of this phenomenon, rare on earth, that the unition of their souls and minds is felt in their flesh, they said, is this, that, “The soul constitutes the inmosts, not only of the head but also the inmosts of the body; likewise the mind, which is intermediate between the soul and the body, though it appears in the head, yet actually is in the whole body also. And hence it is,” they said, “that the actions which the soul and mind intend flow out from the body in an instant. Hence also it is that they themselves, after rejection of the body in the former world, are yet perfect men. Now, as the soul and mind adjoin themselves closely to the flesh of the body, in order that they may operate and produce their effects, it follows that the unition of soul and mind with a married partner is felt in the body also as one flesh.”

When these things were said by the angels, I heard from spirits who were standing by that these are matters of angelic wisdom, which are transcendent. But these spirits were natural-rational and not spiritual-rational.

179. (20) That love truly conjugial viewed in itself is a union of souls, a conjunction of minds, and an effort to conjunction in bosoms and hence in the body. That it is a union of souls and conjunction of minds may be seen above at n.158. That it is an endeavor towards conjunction in bosoms is because the bosom is the place of assembly and as a royal court, and the body as a populous city round about. The bosom is as a place of assembly, in that all things that are determined from the soul and mind into the body flow first into the bosom. It is as a royal court, because there is the dominion over all things of the body; for the heart and lungs are there, and the heart reigns by the blood, and the lungs by the respiration, everywhere. That the body is as a populous city round about is apparent. When therefore the souls and minds of married partners are united, and love truly conjugial unites them, it follows that this lovely union flows into their bosoms, and through these into their bodies, and causes an endeavor toward conjunction. And this the more because conjugial love determines the urging to its ultimates, to the fulfilment of its happy pleasantnesses. And as the bosom is where the two ways meet, it is clear whence it is that conjugial love has there found the seat of its delightful sense.

180. (21) That the states of this love are innocence, peace, tranquillity, inmost friendship, full confidence, and a mutual desire of mind and heart to do each other every good; and from all these come blessedness, happiness, joy, pleasure, and from their eternal fruition, heavenly felicity. The reason why these things and those are in conjugial love, and hence are from it, is that its origin is from the marriage of good and truth, and this marriage is from the Lord. And as love is such that it desires to communicate its joy to another whom from the heart it loves, yea, to confer joys upon him and from thence itself to take its own, infinitely more then does Divine Love-which is in the Lord-towards man, whom He created to be a receptacle both of the love and the wisdom proceeding from Himself. And as He created him for the reception of these-the man for the reception of wisdom, the woman for the reception of the love of the man’s wisdom-therefore He, from the imposts, infused into men conjugial love, into which He might bring together all the blessedness, happiness, joys, and pleasures, that together with life proceed and flow in only from Divine Love through His Divine Wisdom, that is into those who are in love truly conjugial, for they only are the recipients. Innocence, peace, tranquillity, inmost friendship, full confidence, and the mutual desire of mind and heart to do each other every good are mentioned, because innocence and peace are of the soul, tranquillity is of the mind, inmost friendship is of the bosom, full confidence is of the heart, and the mutual desire of mind and heart to do each other every good is of the body from these.

181. (22) That these things can by no means be except in the marriage of one man with one wife. This is the conclusion from all that has hitherto been said; and it also forms the conclusion from all that is to be said hereafter. There is therefore no need to confirm it by particular comment.

182. To this will be added two Relations. First:-

After some weeks I heard a voice from heaven, saying, “Lo! there is an assemblage again in Parnassium, come, we will show you the way.” I went, and as I came near I saw one upon Heliconeum with a trumpet, with which he announced and proclaimed the assembly.

And I saw them going up from the city of Athenaeum and its neighborhood, as before, and in the midst of them three that were newly arrived from the world. The three were from among Christians, one a priest, another a politician, and the third a philosopher. They entertained them with various conversation on the way, especially about ancient sages whom they named. They asked whether they should see them, and were told that they would, and would be presented to them if they wished, as they were affable. They asked about Demosthenes, Diogenes, and Epicurus. They were told, “Demosthenes is not here, but with Plato; Diogenes dwells with his pupils at the foot of Heliconeum, for the reason that he esteems worldly things as naught, and employs his mind only with heavenly things; Epicurus lives on the border at the west, and does not come among us, because we distinguish between good and evil affections, and say that good affections are one with wisdom and evil affections are contrary to wisdom.”

When they had ascended the hill Parnassium some attendants brought water from a fountain, in crystal goblets, and said, “This is water from the fountain of which the ancients fabled that it was broken open by the hoof of the horse Pegasus, and which afterwards was consecrated to the nine virgins, but the winged horse Pegasus meant the understanding of truth, whence comes wisdom; the hoofs of his feet meant the experiences through which comes natural intelligence; and the nine virgins meant cognitions and knowledges of every kind. At this day these are called fables, but they were correspondences, from which the primitive peoples spoke.”

The companions of the three new-corners said to them, “Do not be surprised. The attendants have been instructed to speak thus. We understand that to drink water from a fountain means to be instructed concerning truths, and by truths concerning goods, and thus to become wise.”

After this they entered the Palladium, and with them the three new-comers from the world, the priest, the politician, and the philosopher. Then the laureates who sat at the table asked them, “What news from the earth?” They answered, “This is new, that a certain man asserts that he speaks with angels, and has his sight opened into the spiritual world, just as it is open into the natural world; and he brings many new things from there, among which are these: That man lives as a man after death, just as he lived before in the world; that he sees, hears, and speaks as before in the world; that he is clothed and adorned as before in the world; that he hungers and thirsts, eats and drinks, as before in the world; that he enjoys conjugial delight as before in the world; that he sleeps and wakes, as before in the world; that there are lands and lakes there, mountains and hills, plains and valleys, fountains and rivers, paradises and groves; and that there are palaces and houses there, and cities and villages, just as in the natural world; and also that there are writings and books; and that there are employments and business; so also precious stones, and gold and silver; in a word that each and every thing is there that exists on earth, but that in the heavens they are infinitely more perfect, with the only difference that all things in the spiritual world are of spiritual origin and are therefore spiritual, because they are from the sun there which is pure love; and all things in the natural world are of natural origin and hence are natural and material, because from the sun there which is pure fire. In a word, that man after death is perfectly a man, yea, more perfectly a man than he was before in the world; for before, in the world, he was in a material body, but in this he is in a spiritual body.”

Being told this the ancient sages asked, “What do they think about these things on earth?”

The three replied, “We know that they are true, because we are here, and have gone about and examined them all. We will therefore tell what they have said and how they reasoned about them on earth.”

The priest then said, “Those who are of our order when first they heard of these things called them visions, then fictions; afterwards they declared that the man saw ghosts; and finally they hesitated, and said, �Believe them if you will; hitherto we have taught that man is not to be in a body after death until the day of the last judgment.'”

But the sages asked, “Are there not some intelligent men among them who are able to show and convince them of the truth that man lives as a man after death?”

The priest replied, “There are men who can show this, but they do not convince. Those who show it say, �It is against sound reason to believe that man does not live as a man until after the last judgment day, and that meanwhile he is a soul without a body. What is a soul? And where is it meanwhile? Is it a breath? Or a something vaporous floating in the air? Or an entity hidden away in the center of the earth? Where is its Pu (somewhere)? Are the souls of Adam and Eve, and of all after them, for now six thousand years, or sixty centuries, still flitting about in the universe? Or are they kept confined in the center of the earth, and awaiting the last judgment? What could be more distressing and miserable than such a state of waiting? May not their lot be likened to the lot of those that are bound with chains and fetters in prisons? If such is to be the lot of man after death would it not be better to be born an ass than a man? And is it not also contrary to reason, to believe that a soul can be clothed again with its body? is not the body eaten up by worms, rats, and fishes? and can the bony skeleton, burnt with the sun or fallen into dust, be introduced into that new body? How are these cadaverous and putrid elements to be brought together and united to the soul?’ But they answer such considerations when they hear them with nothing whatever of reason, but cleave to their faith, saying, �We hold reason under obedience to faith.’ As to the gathering of all out of the sepulchres at the judgment day, they say, �This is a work of Omnipotence.’ And when they name omnipotence and faith, reason is banished; and I can say, that sound reason is then as nothing, and to some is a specter, yea, they can say to sound reason, �You are insane.'”

Hearing these things the Grecian sages said, “Are not these so contradictory paradoxes dissipated by themselves? And yet in the world at this day they cannot be dissipated by sound reason! What could be believed that is more paradoxical than this that they tell about the last judgment? That then the universe will perish, and the stars fall from heaven upon the earth, which is less than the stars? and that the bodies of men, then corpses or mummies, consumed by men, or fragments, will be united again with their souls? When we were in the world we believed in the immortality of the souls of men from inductions which reason furnished us; and we also assigned places of abode for the blessed, which we called Elysian Fields; and we believed them to be human forms or appearances, yet subtle because spiritual.’

After saying this they turned to the other new-comer, who in the world had been a politician. He confessed that he had not believed in a life after death; and that he had thought, respecting the new things which he had heard about it, that they were imaginations and inventions. “Meditating upon these things” said he, “I said, �How can souls be bodies? Does not the whole of a man lie dead in the sepulchre? Is not the eye there? How can he see? Is not the ear there? How can he hear? Whence has he a mouth with which to speak? If anything of man lives after death would it be other than as a specter? How can a specter eat and drink? And how can it enjoy conjugial delight? Whence has it raiment, house, food? and so on. And specters, which are aerial phantoms, appear to be and yet are not.’ These and similar thoughts I had in the world, respecting the life of man after death. But now, when I have seen all things, and touched everything with my hands, I am convinced by my very senses that I am a man just as in the world, so that I know no otherwise than that I am living just as I have lived, with the difference that now I have sounder reason. I have sometimes been ashamed of my former thoughts.”

The philosopher told a similar story about himself, with this difference, however, that he had set down the new things he heard about the life after death among the opinions and hypotheses that he had gathered from the ancients, and from men of the present time.

The sophi were astonished at hearing these things; and those that were of the Socratic school said that they perceived by this news from the earth that the interiors of the minds of men had been gradually closed and that now in the world belief in what is false shines as the truth, and fatuous ingenuity as wisdom; and that since their times the light of wisdom has let itself down from the interiors of the brain into the mouth under the nose, where that light appears to the eyes as splendor of the lips, and the speech of the mouth therefrom as wisdom.

One of the tyros there, on hearing these things said, “And how stupid are the minds of men on earth at this day. Would that disciples of Heraclitus who bemoan and of Democritus who laugh at everything were here. We should hear great laughter and much wailing.”

When this meeting was ended they gave to the three newcomers from the earth the insignia of their domain, which were little thin plates of copper whereon certain hieroglyphics were engraved, with which they went away.

183. The Second Relation:-

There appeared to me in the eastern quarter a grove of palms and laurels arranged in spiral convolutions. I approached and entered, and walked in the winding ways through some of the spiral turns; and at the end of the ways saw a garden, which formed the center of the grove. There was a small bridge that separated them, and a gate on the side towards the grove, a gate also on the side next the garden.

I drew near, and the keeper opened the gates.

I asked him, “What is the name of this garden?” He said, “Adramandoni,” that is, The Delight of Conjugial Love. I went in, and lo! olive trees, and from olive tree to olive tree trailing and pendent vines, and under and among them shrubs in blossom. In the midst of the garden was a grassy circle on which husbands and wives were sitting, and young men and maidens in pairs; and on elevated ground in the midst of the circle there was a small fountain leaping high by the force of its stream. As I came near the circle I saw two angels in purple and scarlet, conversing with those who were sitting on the grass. They were speaking on the origin of conjugial love and on its delights. And because the conversation was about this love there was eager attention and full reception, and thence an exaltation in the speech of the angels as from the fire of love.

From their conversation I gathered briefly this: They spoke first of the difficulty of tracing and the difficulty of perceiving the origin of conjugial love, because its origin is Divine-celestial; for it is Divine love, Divine wisdom and Divine use, which three proceed from the Lord as one, and flow thence as one into the souls of men, and through the souls into the minds, and there into the interior affections and thoughts, through these into the desires near to the body, and from these through the bosom into the genital region, where all things derived from the first origin are together, and together with the successives constitute conjugial love.

After this the angels said, “Let the intercourse of speech be by question and answer; for the perception of a subject acquired from hearing alone, though it flows in, does not remain unless the hearer of himself also thinks from himself and questions about it.”

Then some of that conjugial assembly said to the angels, “We have heard that the origin of conjugial love is Divine-celestial, because it is from the influx from the Lord into the souls of men; and that because from the Lord, it is love, wisdom, and use, which are the three essentials that together make the one Divine essence; and that nothing but what is of the Divine essence can proceed from Him and flow into the inmost of man, which is called his soul; and that in their descent into the body these three are changed into what is analogous and correspondent.

Now therefore we ask, “First, What is meant by the third essential proceeding Divine, which is called use?”

The angels replied, “Love and wisdom without use are but ideas of abstract thought, which also after some tarrying pass away as the winds. But in use the two are brought together and there make a one which is called real. Love cannot rest unless it is doing, for love is the active itself of life; nor can wisdom exist and subsist except from love and with it, while it is doing; and doing is use. We therefore define �use to be doing good from love by wisdom. Use is the good itself. Since these three, love, wisdom, and use, flow in into the souls of men, it is evident why it is said that all good is from God; for everything done from love by wisdom is called good; and a use also is a thing done. What is love without wisdom but something illusory? And what is love with wisdom without use but a breath of the mind? But love and wisdom with use not only make the man, but also are the man. Yea, which will perhaps surprise you, they propagate man; for in the seed of man is his soul, in perfect human form, covered over with substances from the purest things of nature, out of which a body is formed in the womb of the mother. This use is the supreme and the ultimate use of Divine love by Divine wisdom.”

Finally, the angels said, “Let this be the conclusion: That all fructification, all propagation, and all prolification come originally of the influx of love, wisdom; and use from the Lord; of immediate influx from the Lord into the souls of men; of mediate influx into the souls of animals; and of influx yet more mediate into the inmosts of vegetables. And all these are effected in the ultimates from the firsts. It is plain that fructifications, propagations, and prolifications are continuations of creation; for creation cannot be from any other source than from Divine Love, by Divine wisdom, in Divine use. All things in the universe therefore are procreated and formed from use, in use, and for use.”

Afterwards those that were sitting on the grassy banks asked the angels, “Whence are the delights of conjugial love, which are innumerable and ineffable?” The angels answered, “They are from the uses of love and wisdom. And this may be seen from the fact that in so far as one loves to be wise for the sake of genuine use he is in the vein and potency of conjugial love, and in so far as he is in these two he is in delights. Use effects this, because love by wisdom delight each in the other, and they play as it were like little children, and as they grow up, they enter into genial conjunction. This is as if by betrothals, nuptials, marriages, and propagations; and these continue with variety to eternity. These things take place between love and wisdom inwardly in use; but these delights in their beginnings are imperceptible, but become perceptible more and more as they descend thence by degrees and enter the body. They enter through degrees, from the soul into the interiors of man’s mind, from these into its exteriors, thence into the inmost bosom, and from this into the genital region. Yet these heavenly nuptial sports in the soul are not in the least perceived by man; but they insinuate themselves thence into the interiors of the mind, under the form of peace and innocence; and into the exteriors of the mind in the form. of blessedness, pleasantness, and joy; but into the inmost bosom under the form of the delights of inmost friendship; and into the genital region, by influx continuous even from the soul, with the very sense of conjugial love, as the delight of delights. These nuptial sports of love and wisdom in use in the soul, in proceeding towards the inmost bosom become enduring, and in that bosom present themselves sensibly under an infinite variety of delights; and by virtue of the wonderful communication of the inmost bosom with the genital region, these delights become there delights of conjugial love, which are exalted above all delights that are in heaven and in the world, for the reason that the use of conjugial love is the most excellent of all uses, because therefrom comes the procreation of the human race, and from the human race the angelic heaven.”

To this the angels added, “That they who are not in the love of becoming wise from the Lord for the sake of use, know nothing of the variety of delights innumerable, which come of love truly conjugial. For with those that do not love to become wise from genuine truths, but love to be in insanity from falsities, and through this insanity do evil uses from some love, with such the way to the soul is closed; whence it results that the heavenly nuptial sports of love and wisdom in the soul, intercepted more and more, cease, and together with them conjugial love, with its vein, its potency, and its delights.”

To this the hearers responded, “That they perceived that conjugial love is according to the love of becoming wise for the sake of use, from the Lord.” The angels replied, “So it is.” And then upon the heads of some of them appeared garlands of flowers. They asked, “Why is this?” The angels said, “Because they have more profoundly understood.” All then left the garden, and these in their midst.

184. ON THE CHANGE OF STATE OF THE LIFE BY MARRIAGE, WITH MEN AND WITH WOMEN.

What is meant by the states of life and their changes is very well known to the learned and wise, but is not known to the unlearned and simple. Something concerning them should therefore be premised. The state of life of a man is his quality; and as in every man there are two faculties which constitute the life, called the understanding and the will, the state of a man’s life is his quality as to understanding and will. It is clear from this that by changes of state of the life are meant changes of quality as to the things which are of the understanding, and as to the things which are of the will. It is intended in this chapter to show that in respect to these two every man is continually changing, but with a difference in the varieties of the changes before marriage and after marriage. This shall be done in the following order:-

(1) That the state of man’s life is continually changing, from infancy even to the end of life, and afterwards to eternity.

(2) That in like manner the internal form changes, which is that of the spirit.

(3) That these changes are of one kind with men, and of another kind with women; because men are by creation forms of knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom, and women are forms of the love of these with men.

(4) That with men there is elevation of the mind into superior light; and with women there is elevation of the mind into superior heat; and that the woman feels the delights of her heat in the man’s light.

(5) That the states of life with men and with women are of one kind before marriage, and of another kind after marriage.

(6) That with married partners the states of life after marriage are changed and succeed one after another according to the conjunctions of their minds by conjugial love.

(7) That marriages also induce other forms upon the souls and minds of the married partners.

(8) That the woman is actually formed into the wife of the man, according to the description in the Book of Creation.

(9) That this formation is effected by the wife in secret ways; and that this is meant by the woman being created while the man slept.

(10) That this formation by the wife is effected by the conjunction of her will with the internal will of the man.

(11) To the end that the will of both may become one, and thus that the two be made one man.

(12) That this formation by the wife is effected through the appropriation of the husband’s affections.

(13) That this formation by the wife is effected through the reception of the propagations of the soul of the husband, with the delight arising from the fact that she wills to be the love of her husband’s wisdom.

(14) That the virgin is thus formed into a wife, and the young man into a husband.

(15) That in the marriage of one man with one wife between whom there is love truly conjugial, the wife becomes more and more a wife, and the husband more and more a husband.

(16) That thus also their forms are successively perfected and ennobled from the interior.

(17) That the offspring born of two who are in love truly conjugial derive from their parents the conjugial of good and truth, from which they have an inclination and faculty, if a son, for perceiving the things that are of wisdom, if a daughter, for loving what wisdom teaches.

(18) That this comes to pass because the soul of the offspring is from the father, and its clothing from the mother. Now follows the exposition of these propositions.

185. (1) That the state of man’s life is continually changing, from infancy even to the end of life, and afterwards to eternity. The general states of man’s life are called infancy, childhood, youth, manhood, and old age. It is well known that every man whose life in the world is prolonged, passes successively from one to another of these states, and so from the first to the last of them. The transitions into these ages are not apparent except by intervals of time. Reason sees however that they are progressive from moment to moment, thus continually. For it is with man as with a tree, which from the casting of the seed into the earth grows and increases in every little moment of time, even the least. These momentary progressions are also changes of state; for the subsequent adds something to the antecedent which perfects the state. The changes that take place in the internals of man are more perfectly continuous than those which occur in his externals, for the reason that man’s internals, by which are meant the things of his mind or spirit, are in a higher degree, elevated above his externals; and in the things that are in the higher degree thousands of changes take place in the same moment that one occurs in externals. The changes that take place in internals are changes of state of the will as to the affections, and changes of state of the understanding as to the thoughts. The successive changes of state of the former and the latter especially, are meant in the proposition. The reason why the changes of state of these two lives or faculties are perpetual with man, from infancy to the end of his life, and afterwards to eternity, is that there is no end to knowledge, less to intelligence, and still less to wisdom; for in their extent there is infinity and eternity, from the Infinite and Eternal from whom they are. Hence comes the philosophical doctrine of the ancients, that every thing is divisible to infinity, to which should be added, that every thing is in like manner multiplicable. The angels affirm that they are perfected in wisdom by the Lord to eternity, which is also to infinity, for eternity is infinity of time.

186. (2) That in like manner the internal form changes, which is that of his spirit. The reason why this is continually changing as the state of a man’s life is changed is that nothing whatever exists but in a form, and the state induces the form. It is the same therefore whether it be said that the state of man’s life is changed, or that his form is changed. All man’s affections and thoughts are in forms, and hence are from forms, for the forms are their subjects. If affections and thoughts were not in subjects which are formed, they might also be in skulls emptied of brains, which would be like sight without an eye, or hearing without an ear, or taste without a tongue. It is known that the organs are the subjects of these senses, and that they are forms. That the state of life and consequently the form with man is continually changing is because it is a truth, which the wise have taught and still teach, that no two things are the same, or absolutely identical. Much less are many. For example, no two faces of men are the same; much less many faces. And so it is in things successive, as that no subsequent state of life is the same as a past state. From this it follows that there is a perpetual change of the state of life with man, and consequently a perpetual change of form also, especially of his internals. But as these reflections do not teach anything respecting marriages, but only prepare the way to knowledges concerning them, and as they are only philosophical considerations from the understanding, which to some are difficult of perception, they may be passed over with these few words.

187. (3) That these changes are of one kind with men, and of another kind with women; because men are by creation forms of knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom; and women are forms of the love of these with men. That men were created forms of the understanding, and that women were created forms of the love of the understanding of men, has been explained above, n. 90, which see. It follows that with each the changes of state that succeed, from infantile to mature age, are for perfecting the forms; the intellectual with men, and the volitional with women. From this it is evident that the changes with men are of one kind and with women of another kind. With �both however the external form, which is of the body, is perfected in accordance with the perfecting of the internal form, which is that of the mind; for the mind acts upon the body, and not the reverse, which is the reason why in heaven infants become men of stature and comeliness, according to their growth in intelligence. It is not so with infants on earth, because they, like animals, are invested with material bodies. They agree however in this, that they first come into an inclination to such things as are alluring to their bodily senses; afterwards step by step to such as affect the internal sense of thought; and by degrees to such things as imbue the will with affection, and when the age is midway between mature and immature the conjugial inclination accedes, which is that of a virgin to a youth, and of a youth to a virgin. And as in the heavens, just as on earth, virgins from innate prudence conceal their inclinations to’ marriage, the youths there do not know but that they affect virgins with love. And this appears to them also from the masculine incitation; but even this they have by influx of love from the fair sex, which influx will be expressly spoken of in another place. From this the truth of the proposition is manifest, that the changes of state are of one kind with men, and of another kind with women, because men are by creation forms of knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom, and women are forms of the love of these with men.

188. (4) That with men there is elevation of the mind into superior light; and with women there is elevation of the mind into superior heat; and that the woman feels the delights of her heat in the man’s light. By the light into which men are elevated, intelligence and wisdom are meant; because the spiritual light that proceeds from the sun of the spiritual world-which sun in its essence is love-acts with these two as equal, or as one. And by the heat into which women are elevated is meant conjugial love; because the spiritual heat which proceeds from the sun of that world in its essence is love, and with women it is love conjoining itself with the intelligence and wisdom with men, which in its complex is called conjugial love, and by determination becomes that love. It is said to be elevation into superior light and heat, because the elevation is into the light and heat in which the angels of the higher heavens are; and it is also an actual elevation, as from a mist into the air, and from a lower to a higher region of the air, and thence into the ether. Wherefore, with men the elevation into superior light is elevation into superior intelligence, and from this into wisdom, in which also there is elevation, higher and higher. But with women the elevation into superior heat is into more chaste and pure conjugial love, and perpetually towards the conjugial which by creation is latent in their inmosts. Regarded in themselves these elevations are openings of the mind; for the human mind is distinguished into regions, as the world is in regions in respect to the atmospheres, of which the lowest is aqueous, the higher is aerial, and a still higher ethereal, above which there is yet the highest. Into like regions the human mind is elevated, as it is opened, with men by wisdom, with women by love truly conjugial.

189. It is said that the woman feels the delights of her heat in the man’s light; but this is to be thus understood: That the woman feels the delights of her love in the man’s wisdom; because this is its receptacle, and where the love finds this correspondent to itself it is in its joys and delights. But it is not meant that the heat is delighted with its light outside of forms, but within them; and spiritual heat is the more delighted with spiritual light in them because these forms from wisdom and love are living, and thus susceptible. This may in some measure be illustrated by the sports, so-called, of heat with light in vegetable forms: Outside of them there is but the simple conjunction of heat and light; but within them they as it were play with each other, because there they are in forms or receptacles; for by wonderful meanderings they pass through them, and in the inmosts there they breathe towards the uses of fruit; and breathe forth their amenities also widely into the air, which they fill with fragrance. And yet more living does the delight of spiritual heat with spiritual light become in human forms, wherein the heat is conjugial love and the light is wisdom.

190. (5) That the states of life with men and with women are of one kind before marriage, and of another kind after marriage. There are with each two states before marriage; one before the inclination to marriage, another after it. The changes of each state, and the consequent formations of the mind, proceed in successive order, in accordance with their continual increase. But there is no leisure here to describe the changes. For they are various, and different in the subjects. The inclinations to marriage previous to it are themselves merely imaginative in the mind, and become sensible in the body more and more. But after marriage their states are states of conjunction, and also of prolification. That these differ from the former, as realizations differ from intentions, is plain.

191. (6) That with married partners the states of life after marriage are changed and succeed one after another according to the conjunctions of their minds by conjugial love. The reason why the changes and successions of state after marriage, both with the man and the wife, are according to the conjugial love with them, and thus are either conjunctive or disjunctive of their minds, is that conjugial love is not only various with married partners, but also diverse; various with those who love each other interiorly–for by turns it is intermitted with them, although within it steadily endures in its heat; but that love is diverse with those married partners who only outwardly love each other. With them it is intermitted by turns not from like causes, but from alternate cold and heat. The reason of this difference is that with these the body acts the chief part, and its ardor pours itself around and forces the lower things of the mind into communion with itself; but with those who love each other inwardly the mind acts the chief part, and draws the body into communion with itself. It appears as if love ascended from the body into the soul, because as soon as the body tastes allurements, the allurement passes through the eyes as doors into the mind, and thus by sight, as an entry, into the thoughts, and instantly into the love. But still it descends out of the mind, and acts in things lower according to the disposition of them. Therefore a lascivious mind acts lasciviously, and a chaste mind chastely; and this latter disposes the body, while the other is disposed by the body.

192. (7) That marriages also induce other forms upon the souls and minds. It cannot be observed in the natural world that marriages induce other forms upon the souls and minds, because the souls and minds are there invested with a material body, and the mind rarely shines through this. The men of this age also, more than the ancients, learn from infancy to put on expressions of the face by which they profoundly conceal the affections of the mind; which is the reason why the forms of the mind, as they are before marriage and as they are after marriage, are not discerned. But in the spiritual world it manifestly appears from the same that the forms of souls and minds are different before marriage from what they are after it. For then they are spirits and angels, who are no other than minds and souls in human form, denuded of the coverings which were composed of aqueous and earthy elements, and of exhalations therefrom diffused in the air; which being cast off, the forms of their minds are visible, just as they were inwardly in their bodies, and then it is clearly seen that they are of one kind with those who are living in marriage, and of another kind with those who are not. In general the married have an interior beauty of face; for the man takes from the wife the charming glow of her love, and the wife from the man the shining brightness of his wisdom. For there two married partners are united as to their souls; and there is moreover a human fulness apparent in each. This is in heaven; for elsewhere there are no marriages. Below heaven there are only connubial connections that are formed and severed.

193. (8) That the woman is actually formed into a wife, according to the description in the Book of Creation. It is said in this book that the woman was created out of a rib of the man; and that when she was brought to him the man said:-

This is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; and she shall be called Ishah (Woman), because she was taken out of Ish (Man) (Gen. ii. 22, 23).

By a rib of the breast, in the Word, nothing else is signified in the spiritual sense than natural truth. This is signified by the ribs which the bear carried between his teeth, in Daniel vii. 5. For by bears are signified those who, reading the Word in its natural sense, see truths therein without understanding; by the breast of a man is signified that essential and peculiar thing wherein it is distinguished from the breast of a woman. That this is wisdom may be seen above at n. 187; for truth supports wisdom as a rib supports the breast. These things are signified because it is the breast wherein all things pertaining to man are as in their center. From these significations it appears that the woman was created out of the man by transcription of his own wisdom, that is wisdom from natural truth; and that the love of this by the man was transferred to the woman that it might become conjugial love; also, that this was done to the end that in the man there may be, not love of himself, but love of his wife, who, from the disposition innate within her, cannot but convert love of himself with the man into his love to her. And I have heard that this is effected by the love itself of the wife, unconsciously to the man, and unconsciously to the wife. It results from this that no man can ever love his married partner with love truly conjugial, who from love of himself is in the pride of his own intelligence. When this secret of the creation of the woman out of the man is understood, it may be seen that in like manner in marriage the woman is as it were created or formed from the man; and that this is effected by the wife, or rather by the Lord through the wife, who infuses into women inclinations for bringing it to pass. For the wife receives into herself the image of the man, by her appropriating to herself his affections (see above, n. 183); and by her conjoining the internal will of the man with her own, of which hereafter; and also by her appropriating to herself the offshoots of his soul, of which likewise hereafter. From this it is plain, that the woman is formed into a wife-according to the description in the Book of Creation, interiorly understood-by such things as she takes out of her husband, even out of his bosom, and inscribes upon herself.

194. (9) That this formation is effected by the wife in secret ways, and that this is meant by the woman’s being created while the man slept. We read in the Book of Creation that:-

Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, that he should fall asleep; and then He took one of his ribs and built it into a woman (Gen. ii. 21, 22).

That by the man’s deep sleep and by his falling asleep is signified his entire ignorance that the wife is formed and as it were created from him, appears from what was shown in the preceding chapter, and also in this, respecting the innate prudence and circumspection of wives, lest they divulge anything whatever about their love or about their assumption of the affections of the man’s life, and so of the transcription of his wisdom into themselves. That this is effected by the wife in secret ways, the husband being unaware and as it were asleep, is clear from the explanations above, at n. 166-168, and after, where it is also explained that the prudence to accomplish this is inherent in women from creation, and thence from birth, for reasons which are necessities, that conjugial love, friendship, and confidence, and so the blessedness of living together and happiness of life may be secured. Therefore, in order that this shall be rightly done it is enjoined upon the man that he shall leave father and mother and cleave unto his wife (Gen. ii. 24; Matt. xix. 4, 5). By “father and mother” whom the man is to leave are meant in the spiritual sense his proprium of the will, and of the understanding. It is the proprium of man’s will to love himself; and the proprium of his understanding is to love his own wisdom. By “cleave” is signified to devote himself to the love of his wife. That these two propria are evils deadly to man if they remain with him; and that the love of these two is changed into conjugial love in so far as the man cleaves to his wife, that is, receives her love, may be seen just above n. 193, and elsewhere. That to “sleep” signifies to be in ignorance or unwariness; that by “father and mother” are signified the two propria of man, the one of the will, the other of the understanding; and that to “cleave” signifies to devote one’s self to the love of some one, may be satisfactorily confirmed by passages from other parts of the Word; but this is not the place.

195. (10) That this formation by the wife is effected by the conjunction of her will with the internal will of the man. That man has rational wisdom, and moral wisdom; and that the wife conjoins herself with the things in the man that are of moral wisdom, has been shown above at n. 163-165. Matters that are of rational wisdom make man’s understanding, and those that are of moral wisdom make his will. The wife conjoins herself with those that form man’s will. It is the same whether it be said that the wife conjoins herself or that she conjoins her will, to man’s will; for a wife is born volitional, and hence does what she does from the will. It is said “with the internal will” of man because man’s will has its seat in his understanding, and the intellectual of the man is the inmost of the woman, according to what has been said above at n. 32, and several times thereafter, respecting the formation of the woman from the man. Men have also an external will, but this often partakes of simulation and disguise. A wife sees through this, but does not conjoin herself with it unless in pretence or playfully.

196. (11) To the end that the will of both may become one, and thus the two may become one man. For, he who conjoins to himself the will of any one, conjoins to himself his understanding also. In fact the understanding is but the minister and servant of the will. This clearly appears from the affection of love, in that it moves the understanding to think at its nod. Every affection of love is a property of the will; for what a man loves that he also wills. From this it follows that he who conjoins the will of a man to himself conjoins to him the whole man. Hence it is inherent in the wife’s love to unite her husband’s will to her own will; for thus does she become the wife of her husband, and he the husband of his wife, so that the two are one man.

197. (12) That this formation is effected by the appropriation of the husband’s affections. This is one with the two articles which precede; because affections are of the will. For affections, which are no other than derivations of love, form the will, and even make and compose it. But these with men are in the understanding, and with women in the will.

198. (13) That this formation is effected through the reception of the propagations of the soul of the husband, with the delight arising from the fact that she wills to be the love of her husband’s wisdom. This coincides with the explanations above at n. 172, 173. Further explanation is therefore omitted. Conjugial delights with wives spring from no other source than that they will to be one with their husbands-just as good is one with truth in the spiritual marriage. It has been shown in its own chapter, specifically, that conjugial love descends from that marriage. It may thence be seen, as in effigy, that the wife conjoins the man to herself just as good conjoins truth to itself; and that, reciprocally, the man conjoins himself to the wife according to the reception of her love into himself, just as truth reciprocally conjoins itself to good according to the reception of good into itself; and that the wife’s love thus forms itself by the wisdom of the man, as good forms itself by truth, for truth is the form of good. From this it also is plain that conjugial delights with a wife come chiefly from this that she wills to be one with her husband, consequently that she wills to be the love of her husband’s wisdom for then she feels the delights of her own heat in the man’s light, as explained in article 4, n. 188.

199. (14) That the virgin is thus formed into a wife, and the young man into a husband. This follows as a consequence from what has gone before, in this chapter and in the preceding chapter, respecting the conjunction of married partners into one flesh. The virgin becomes or is made a wife by the fact that in a wife are things taken from the husband, and thus supplementary things that were not in her before, as a virgin. The young man becomes or is made a husband by the fact that in a husband are things taken from the wife, which exalt with him his receptibility of love and wisdom, things which were not in him before, as a young man. But this comes to pass with those who are in love truly conjugial; it is between those who feel themselves to be a united man, and as one flesh, as may be seen in the preceding chapter, n. 178. It is clear from this that with women what was virginal is changed to what is wifely, and with men what was youthful is changed to marital. That this is so I have been assured by this experience, in the spiritual world: Certain men said that conjunction with a female before marriage was similar to conjunction with a wife after marriage. The wives were very indignant at hearing this, and said, “There is actually no likeness. The difference is as between the unreal and the real.” To which the men retorted, “Are you not females just as before?” The wives responded, with louder voice, “We are not females, but wives. You are in fatuous and not in real love, and therefore talk foolishly.” The men then said, “If not females, you are yet women.” They replied, “In the first states of marriage we were women, but now we are wives.”

200. (15) That in the marriage of one man with one wife, between whom there is love truly conjugial, the wife becomes more and more a wife, and the husband more and more a husband. It may be seen above at n. 178, 179, that love truly conjugial conjoins the two into one man more and more. And, as the wife becomes a wife from conjunction with her husband and according to it, in like manner the husband from conjunction with the wife; and as love truly conjugial endures to eternity, it follows that the wife becomes more and more a wife, and the husband more and more a husband. The very cause is, that in a marriage which is of love truly conjugial each becomes a more and more interior man (homo); for that love opens the interiors of their minds, and as these are opened man becomes more and more a man (homo), and to become more a man on the part of the wife is to become the more a wife, and on the part of the husband it is to become the more a husband. I have heard from the angels that a wife becomes more and more a wife as her husband becomes more and more a husband, but not the reverse. Because it rarely if ever fails that a chaste wife loves her husband, but the husband fails to love in return, and fails for the reason that there is no elevation of wisdom, which alone receives the wife’s love; respecting which wisdom see n. 130, 163-165. But these things are said of marriages on earth.